Brownsville Tales, Jayden & Cade, 13

They finished eating. Cade all-but licked his plate clean; Jayden didn't, he pushed his almost-finished meal away. “Can't eat anymore, sorry.”

“That's fine,” Mrs. C replied. “If you're hungry later there's plenty more,. I'll leave it in the oven.”

“Thanks, Mum. C'mon, Jayden.” Cade stood up and led the way out to the sleepout.

“There's no TV in here.” Jayden followed him in.

“Don't need one. We've got my laptop and that's better.”

“Why is it better?”

“We can watch 'TV On Demand' – what we want, when we want and no flamin' ads!”

“Sounds good to me. What are we watching?”

“At the moment, I'm watching you.”

“Me? Why, Cade?”

“Because I want to. Jayden, what's wrong with you?”

“Not a lot.”

“Yeah there is. Something's not right.”

Well, all right then - I've been a bit sick.”

“Obviously. What was it?”

“Just a condition. Nothing to worry about, I've got it under control.”

“You sure?”

“Yep. What's on TV?”

“Probably not much, but let's have a look,” Cade sighed, frustrated again. He knew there was more to the story but Jayden obviously wasn't going to tell him. Not yet.

He'd just have to wait until he was ready, whether he liked it or not, and he didn't. Not everything about growing up is a good thing. Getting secrets out of people was easier for kids – when they were 8 or 9 all they had to do was sit on the other one and tickle until they told.

Of course, when he was 8 or 9 it'd be Jayden sitting on top, he was stronger than him then. He wasn't now.

There was nothing on TV, they tried a couple of X-box games but couldn't get into them either, so they sat together on the narrow bed and watched a movie and a half.

Partway through the second movie, Cade realised that Jayden was asleep again, so he turned the lap-top off, stood and straightened Jayden's legs and covered him up. He stood and smiled for a minute, then turned the light off and went into the house to sleep in the guest-room again.

As much as he would've liked to sleep cuddled up with Jayden, he wouldn't do that without being invited and he knew he'd never get to sleep anyway. Jayden would get a better night's sleep too, left alone in the bed.

He woke in the morning, stumbled out to the kitchen and Jayden was sitting there talking to his mum. She looked around and smiled.

“Good morning, Sleepyhead! About time you emerged, everyone else has been up for ages.”

“Good for them,” Cade muttered and frownewd at the bright morning sunlight streaming in the end window. He flopped down at the table. “Hey, Jayden. How's you today?”

“Hey. I'm good,” Jayden smiled. “You?”

“Always good.”

“Sure you are.”

“Always. So where is everybody?”

His mother answered. “Your dad, Lance and Angel are down at the paddock, cleaning it up and waiting for the pony to arrive. Are you going down to join them?”

“Me? Not likely. We saw more than enough of the place yesterday.”

“Actually, Cade, there's something I need you to do. You boys took that rope down the cliff track to the beach the other day. You need to go and get it, roll it up and take it down to your dad.”

“Damm. Okay, Mum, I'll do that later.”

“No, do it now. They might need it when the pony arrives. Go get it now and I'll do you a cooked breakfast when you get back.”

“Well . . do I get bacon?”

“Of course.”

“Sausages, hash-browns and fried tomatoes?”

“Yes, I'll do the works. Pancakes too, if you like.”

“You know I like! Okay, I'm on my way. Wait here, Jayden and I'll be back soon.”

“Yeah, sure. I'll be here.”

“I might even let you share my breakfast – you can smell it and I'll eat it.”

“Jayden will have his own breakfast. On your way, Cade and don't rush going down that track. Be careful!”

“I will. I'm gone. See you soon.”

Cade was out the door in a reasonable sort of hurry and Mrs. Caldwell sat down next to Jayden at the table.

“Right then,” she said. “That's got rid of him for a few minutes. Now we can talk. Jayden, we've known you for a long time and you were always like another son around here, I hope you will be again. Do you want to tell me what's wrong with you?”

“There's nothing much wrong, Mrs. C. No worries.” He tried to brush her off, but she wasn't having that.

“No, Jayden. There is something wrong and it's not nothing much. Your mother was worried about you coming out here this weekend and she wants me to let her know if I'm at all concerned about you and I think that I am. All that she would tell me was that you're not well, and that's pretty obvious to me too.

So, what's wrong? Spill it, Boy, I'm worried about you.”

“You don't have to worry, I've got it under control.”

“Sure you have. Well, are you going to tell me or not?”

“You don't give up easily. Okay, I've got a condition. It's under control, but it won't go away and I have to live with it.”

“Oh. What condition?”

“If you want a name, leuchemia is close enough. I'm not in pain or anything, I've just got no energy and get tired really easily.”

“You do. Have you got medication for it?”

“I've got heaps of medication – way too much.”

“Can't it be cured?”

“No. There is no cure, all they can do is maintain it. Don't worry, it's not infectious or anything. No-one's going to catch anything off me.”

“I wasn't worried about that.”

“There's no need to. It's a sort of cancer, in the bone marrow, and I've got way too many white blood cells.”

“Isn't that a good thing?”

“Not really, it means I haven't got enough red ones and they're the ones that carry the oxygen around to where it's needed. It means I'm anaemic.”

“And that's why you get tired. That's not nice, but I suppose you can live with that if you have to.”

“I do have to.”

“Can't they give you a blood transfusion, or whatever?”

“Believe me, they've tried everything. I must've cost the Health Budget a fortune! I've been living with this for years now. It's under control, but that's not the worst part.

“It's not? Damm, Jayden, how could it be any worse?”

“Easily. The thing is, I've got no immunity, or resistance, to anything else I might catch. This is not going to kill me, but anything else could. Even the flu could be enough to bowl me over.”

“Oh Jayden!” She put an arm around him and hugged his shoulders. “You poor kid. That's just awful. What a horrible thing to live with. You were always such a strong and healthy boy too.”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I was. Back in the good old days, I was.”

“Have you told Cade about this?”

“No and I'm not going to. Not yet anyway.”

“I think he needs to know.”

“Not yet. I was going to tell him this weekend, but I can't do it. He was just so happy that I was coming out here and I don't want to spoil that. It's just so good to be here with all of you guys. Please, Mrs. C, let us have this one weekend like the old days, kind-of. Just old friends.”

“Of course, if you're sure that's what you want.”

“That's very much what I want.”

She hugged him and kissed his cheek, then stood up. “I'd better get some breakfast started. Cade will be back any minute now declaring that his belly thinks his throat's been cut. Is there anything that you can't eat?”

“There's not. Whatever Cade has will be fine, thanks. Only a little bit though, I can't eat much.”

“Yes, I've noticed that too. Thanks for telling me and if there's anything that I can do, anything at all, you've only got to say.”

“Thanks, Mrs. C. I love you too.”

“I love you very much. To me you'll always be my boy's knight in shining amour who saved him from being thrown into the lagoon, all those years ago.”

“Years and years,” he nodded and smiled. “It was worth it too – I got a good friend out of it.”

“You both did.” She turned away before she started crying.

Cade came back; he rushed through the backdoor. “Okay, that's done, Mum. Where's my breakfast? I'm so hungry my belly thinks my throat's been cut!”

Mrs Caldwell and Jayden looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“What? What's so funny?”

“You are, Cade. That's exactly what your mum said you'd say.”

“She knows me too well, I think.”

“That's my job,” Mrs. C smiled. “I'm nearly done here, Cade. Go and wash your hands. Brush your hair too, it looks like you've been dragged backwards through a bush.”

“Well I have been – sort-of.” He left for the bathroom and she put a box of cereal, milk, fruit, and 2 bowls on the table.

“Help yourself, Jayden. You'd better get in before the rush.”

“Umm. None for me thanks. If I eat cereal I'll have no room for anything else.”

“Okay. You know best. Do you want pancakes?”

“Maybe one. I am a little bit hungry.”

“Good Lad,“ she smiled fondly.

Cade came back again, they ate their yummy breakfast, then he said, “Right then. Are you ready for another thrashing on the X-box?”

“You can try, but you won't win.” Jayden rose to the challenge.

“Oh no,” Mrs. C said. “It's a lovely day out there. Don't waste it sitting indoors. Your bodies need vitamin B, or is it vitamin D? One or the other anyway and you only get it from the sunshine. Go outside for a while – go down to the beach, climb a hill or whatever.”

“Yeah, whatever, Mum, “ Cade replied. “C'mon, Jayden – out of here before we have to clean-up or something.”

“Well, if you're offering . .” Mrs C. started - too late, they'd gone. “Oh well,” she shrugged and started cleaning herself. She did like her new kitchen/dining/living-room, it was big, airy and well-lit by the wide windows with wonderful views of the sea and coastline but, with so many mouths to feed, it got messy in a hurry.

A few minutes later, on the way out to the backyard with a load of laundry to peg-out to dry and air in the sunshine, she saw the boys, rolled her eyes and shook her head. Cade's wide-screen TV was carefully placed just inside the open doorway of the sleep-out and Cade and Jayden, complete with caps and suglasses, were out in the driveway, lying on sun-loungers, X-box controllers in their hands, busily competing with each other and other on-line players in their game. (she could hear voices with foreign accents coming from the TV speakers).

They were out in the sunshine, she supposed

'Teenagers! One day their generation will rule the world – there's a scary thought.'

The boys both knew that Mrs C. was struggling past with her load of washing, but they didn't let on in case she wanted help. They were busy!

Lying in the sunshine, on their loungers, Cade in shorts and t-shirt, Jayden in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, they were apparently engrossed in the game but actually they were both very aware of the other one beside him, and stealing glances. Their eyes met when they both looked at the same time and they grinned.

“Aren't you getting hot?” Cade asked. “You've got way too many clothes on.”

“I don't want to get burnt. I have to be careful because my skin's a bit sun-sensitive.”

“Will we move inside then?”

“No, this is good. I'll tell you when it's time to go in.”

“Do that.”

They carried on playing and not talking much. Mostly, they enjoyed being alone together. Mostly.

Cade was pleased to have Jayden there with him and to have him all to himself for once. But he was also concerned about him and a bit miffed that Jayden wouldn't say what was wrong with him. Obviously, he thought, they were not as close as he'd like to be.

If he had his way, which he wouldn't, Jayden would love him just as much as he loved him, which was totally. He wished that he could, but he could never tell him that. If he did, he'd lose his friend. Jayden wasn't queer, so that wasn't going to happen. All he could do was enjoy being his friend and make the most of the time they had together.

Jayden wanted to tell Cade his problems, but he couldn't do that to him. Not now, not yet. One day he'd have to, but until then he would just enjoy being around him as much as he could.

It was probably denial, but he tried to ignore his condition as much as he could. It was under control, sort-of. What was much harder to keep under control was this yearning, burning, aching love he had for this totally beautiful boy beside him.

Impossible in so many ways, but he loved him.

He envied all the girls who were flocking around making goo-goo eyes at Cade even though he was oblivious to them all. One day soon the novelty of being back with his oldest friend was going to wear off and he was going to notice them – the lucky cows! One of them was going to be the luckiest girl in the world.

Until then, he'd muddle on and enjoy what he had. Was there a worse curse for a gayboy than to love a boy who was straight? It was worse than being sick even. At least there was a way out of that.