Jordan in Okarito, 2

(There will probably be more to this part - just posting this quickly before a wee man comes to clean the computer out, so i don't lose it!)

The big truck rumbled slowly through the town streets until they were out on the open road, the traffic thinned and the speed increased. Perched up in the cab, high above the road, it felt like they were going really fast, but the speedo didn't go above 100k all the way. Jordan's enthusiasm soon waned; his attention span was limited.

“How long until we get there?”

“About 4 hours, if we don't stop on the way.”

“Why would we do that. I mean, I don't want to be there but we're going now, so why stop?”

“I hope we don't, but this old truck might need a break on the way. Have you ever been to Okarito?”

“No, never. I haven't been south of Hoki.”

“Now you will.”

“Yeah. Way too south.”

“It's not that far down you know... Okarito is actually north of Christchurch.”

“Is not! Christchurch is just across the island, over the hill. South Westland is, well, south.”

“There's a map in the glovebox, have a look if you don't believe me. When you go over to Christchurch it's not just east, it's south-east and it's way down there.”

“Sure it is!”

“It is. Look at the map and you'll see. The country doesn't lie north-south you know. People think it does, but it doesn't – it's skewed to one side. Don't they teach you anything in school?”

“Not a lot. They try, but who's listening?”

“Why go there then?”

“Because I have to. Besides, that's where my mates are, or were I guess. Dunno what the hell I'm going to do now.”

“You'll make new friends, Jordie. A bright boy like you will never be without mates for long.”

“Thanks, I think, but I don't want new friends, I want to keep my old ones.”

“Like the old rhyme says, 'New friends are silver, but old friends are gold. Make new friends, but stick to your old.'”

“Exactly! But how'm I supposed to do that when Mum's shifting us, half the country away. Bitch!”

“Hey! Don't talk about my little sister like that.”

“Well she is. Sometimes. How can she do this to me? She doesn't care about me, she just wants to be with that Steve creep.”

“Now there's something we can agree on.”

“What, that Mum hates me?”

“She doesn't hate you. Of course she doesn't. You're her currant-bun, her number one son.”

“Her only son. What do we agree on then? That Steve is a creep?”

“You'll get no arguments from me on that, but it's her life and we can't stop her doing what she's going to do.”

“Tell me about it! I tried, I got nowhere, as usual.”

“Of course,” Dennis chuckled. “Jordan – something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Like what?”

“Those bracelets you're wearing. I'd get rid of them if I was you.”

“Just as well you're not me then. Why don't you like my bracelets?”

“I don't like or dislike them; it's what they're signalling that I'm concerned about.”

“Oh?”

“Come on, Jordan. We both know what that combination of colours is about. Do you really want to be all alone in a new town and wearing a Rainbow Flag on your wrist? That would not be intelligent. Most people wouldn't care much, one way or the other, but for some it'd be like waving a red rag at a bull.”

“You might be right. How come an old fella like you knows about the Rainbow Flag?”

“You'd be surprised. Your generation didn't invent everything you know. Matter of fact, you've invented bugger-all. The world was around for a long time before you were.”

“There had to be a few trial-runs and some duds before they finally got it right.”

“Right. So your lot are the end result of human evolution? Funny, I remember my generation thinking the same thing. One day you'll be older and some snot-nosed kid will be saying the same thing to you.”

“Oi! I'm not snot-nosed!” Jordan objected and rubbed his nose with the back of his hand, just to make sure.

“No,” Dennis grinned. “Not now you're not. It's just my advice, Jordie, but I hope you'll listen to me about the bracelets. I've only got one nephew, I quite like him and I don't want to lose him just yet.”

“Cool. Thanks. There's an idea, I'll come back and live with you in Brownsville. Mum and Sharron can stay in Okar-bloody-rito without me.”

“How about, no? That's not going to happen. I'd happily have you to stay with us, but your mum would never agree.”

“She wouldn't. Uncle Dennis, are you gay?”

“That, my Young Friend, is absolutely none of your business and I'm not telling you.”

“I think you just did. That's cool. How about Uncle Dave?”

“Damm. Not everyone in the family is gay.”

“But some of them?”

“Maybe, and that's all I'm saying. Are you hungry? We could stop in Ross and get some food.”

“Am I hungry? What a dumbass question. I'm always hungry, I was born hungry.”

“You weren't you know. I was there and I remember. You weren't at all interested and they had great trouble getting you to start sucking on your mother's booby.”

“Eww! Eww! Eww!” Jordan clapped his hands over his ears. “Stop talking. Stop talking now or I'm out of here!”

“Okay,” Dennis laughed. “I'll stop, but it's true. Don't even think about jumping out. If the fall didn't kill you your mother probably would. She's right behind us and she'd run you over.”

“She'd like that too.”

“She would not. Don't be silly. We'll stop in Ross for food. My mate's got the cafe there, so we'll get a good deal, mates rates maybe.”

“Your mate? Is he gay too?”

“No. Are all of your mates gay?”

“No, they're not. Dammit. I did have hopes with Gene for a while, but he's not either.”

“Gene? The good-looking, dark-blond and quiet boy?”

“That's him, but he's only quiet sometimes. He gets whakamau. Went and got himself a girlfriend, worse luck.”

“Sounds like there's a story there, but I don't think I want to hear it.”

“Not telling you anyway. You know that you're paying for lunch? I've got no money because I'm poor.”

“Aren't we all? Don't worry, I'll buy lunch.”

“I knew you would,” Jordan grinned, “because you love me.”

“I do, but I'll kick your butt if you need it.”

“Thanks, Uncle. Love you too.”

They stopped outside Roddy's Cafe in Ross – the home of the 'Honourable Roderick', the largest gold nugget ever found in the world.

Jordan jumped out and ran back to his mother's car to tell them what they were doing, if they didn't already know. He stood next to the driver's door, looking down – bad mistake!

His mother was wearing a loose-fitting, open-necked shirt and he was looking right down at her boobies. He'd probably have to wash his eyes now.

“Well?” she said. “Are you still with us, Jordan?”

“”Huh? Yeah, of course I am. Dennis' mate owns this place and we're getting some food. He's paying for mine, I dunno about you lot. Depends on how generous he's feeling, I guess.”

“I think that I could buy us all some lunch,” she replied. “We've all been working hard after all. Just don't make a pig of yourself, Dave. There's still more work to do when we get there.”

“Yeah, and we're looking forward to that, I don't think.”

“You should sleep well tonight then.”

“For once, and I'm sure I will. Let's eat, coffee'd be good too – might help keep us awake.”

“Oh good,” Sharron sat up in the backseat. “I'd love a coffee.”

Her mother replied, “You will not. You can have a coke and like it. There's enough caffeine in that for you. You too, Jordan.”

“I'd rather have a coffee.”

“I'd rather you weren't bouncing off the walls – you'll have a coke.”

“I'll have a coke,” he sighed, then grinned. “A super-sized coke.”

“In your dreams. Come on, let's eat.”

The cafe was busy, so they bought takeaways and sat in the small park across the road to eat there. Sharron wanted to know if they were halfway there yet? Jordan shrugged and said, “Not even. About a quarter of the way, maybe.”

“Only a quarter? Man, it's going to be a long walk back when I run away.”

“Don't you start,” warned the mother. “I'm having enough problems with your brother. We are going to live in Okarito and nobody will be running away if they know what's good for them!”

They finished eating and they moved on. Sharron wanted to know why she couldn't have a turn at riding in the truck? Jordan grinned down from his perch in the cab. “Uh, uh. No way. I'm in here and I'm staying here. Uncle's telling me all about the facts of life.”

“Yeah, right,” his mother snorted. “It's more likely that you're telling him. Get in the car, Sharron. We haven't got all day.”

They moved on down into the wilds of South Westland. It was a brilliantly sunny day and the road was sun-dappled with the shadows from the towering trees. Some of them were probably growing there before the first settlers arrived.The snow-capped mountains reared up on their left and the Tasman sea was somewhere over on the right, but they never saw it at all after Ross.

There were a few small, very small, towns along the way. Each with a couple of shops and a pub, of course. There were an awful lot of rivers and they were big ones too. Or, they would be when they were in flood – they had big bridges over them.

Finally, they came to the turnoff, turned right and headed down the secondary road to Okarito by the sea.

“Hey, cool!” Jordan read the sign. “You can hire kayaks here. There's a big lagoon, isn't there?”

“Biggest in New Zealand, apparently.”

“Must be big then. How far have we got to go?”

“A few more k's. About 13 from the highway, I think.”

“It's a long way from home.”

“Give it a year or so and this will be your home.”

“Doubt it! I belong in Brownsville, always have and always will.”

“Maybe you can move back there, after you've finished school.”

“No maybe about it, I will be, as soon as I can. I can't wait.”

“Give it a chance, Jordan. Okarito's a nice-enough place. I've never lived there but those who do seem to like it.”

“We'll see. You think they'll like me?”

“I'm sure they will, once they get to know you.”

“Yeah! After all, what's not to like?”

“Your modesty is overwhelming.”

“That too. Are you guys staying the night with us?”

“Nope. We'll help you unpack, and then we'll be on the road back home. We've only got the truck for one day.”

“Hmmm. Straight back to Brownsville.”

“We're not taking any stowaways. I'll check before we leave.”

“Spoilsport. How'd you know what I was thinking?”

“I know you.”

“Dammit. Look, there's the lagoon. Doesn't look that big to me.”

“I think that's just the river. There's a couple of rivers flow into it.”

“Lot of bush, isn't there?”

“Of course. We're in National Park country around here. I think this is the town coming now. We'd better let your mother go in front, she knows where to go, I don't. Wave her forward, Jordan.”

A new beginning - Jordan

“Hell no! No way, we can't, we just can't! Fucking Hell, Mum. No!”

“Sorry, but yes – we are. Don't swear at me, I'm not one of your foul-mouthed friends.”

“My mates are not that foul, it's just how people talk.”

“Well I don't and I don't like it coming from you, so don't do it. We're packing-up and we're leaving on Friday, so you've got 4 days to get your stuff sorted. Put out what you don't want and we'll dump it. Any clothes you've outgrown, but that have still got some wear in them, can go to the church shop. Fold them up and put them in a rubbish bag.”

“Clothes I've outgrown? Come on! This is me, Jordan, remember – I don't grow. Everyone else does, but not me.”

“Of course you grow. Not as fast as your friends, maybe, but you're still getting bigger. You've passed puberty, haven't you?”

“Stop talking! Bloody Hell. I don't want to talk about that stuff with you – Embarrassing!” He jumped up and headed for his room, grumblimg. “O-kar-bloody-rito! Way down in the middle of nowhere. Fuckit. We can't go. I can't live there – I need my friends! What'm I going to do without the Tight Five?”

“You'll survive and you'll make other friends. People come and go from your life; nothing lasts forever.”

“Don't see why not,” he pouted. “We thought the Tight Five would be best-friends forever, like the stupid song says.”

“Maybe that's why it's stupid. Real life's not like that, not really. Look at Dillon. You and him were thick as thieves, as close as friends could get, for a few months and where is he now?”

“Gone back to Christchurch. You know that. His mother took him back because his grandmother's there, she's had a stroke and she needs them.”

“Yes, I do know that, but if you're honest, you were kind-of relieved to see him go. Your relationship was all-but over even before he left. You don't exactly keep in touch much, do you? It's easy enough to do these days.”

“Yeah, maybe you're right. What we had was slipping away. It would've died even if he was still here. But the Tight Five is different – the Cat, Ashton, Gene and Lucas. I need those guys. I can't lose them, I just can't!”

“Don't lose them then. There's no reason why you should. They have got the internet in Okarito you know.”

“You sure about that? Wouldn't surprise me if they didn't. It's the middle of nowhere.”

“Of course they've got the internet, it's not that bad. It's a town, Jordie. Not as big as Brownsville, it's true, but bigger than some.”

“Smaller than most and it's nothing like Brownsville. This is my home, Mum. This is where I belong. Fuckit.”

“Language! That's enough. Go and swear at your friends if you must do it at all.”

“I am, I will, I'm going to. I've gotta tell them what you've done.”

“I'm sure you will. Listen, if it makes you feel any better, you can have the rest of the week off school if you like.”

“I don't like. I'm going to school. If I've only got a few days I'm spending them with my mates.”

“Suit yourself, but there's a lot of work to be done here too. Your uncles will be here with a truck on Friday. We're loading it and we're leaving.”

“Pah! It's your boyfriend, isn't it? That bloody Steve. You just want to move down there because that's where he is. Not worried about wrecking my life, you just want to be with him.”

“True. No-one's wrecking your life, but I do want to be with Steve. That brings us to the rest of my news.”

“Don't tell me you're going to live with him?”

“We are. I know you don't like him, but I do. Steve's a good man and, while I do love you and your sister dearly, I'm entitled to a life of my own you know. You're 14 now and Sharron's 12. In a few years you'll both be gone and then where will I be? We split with your father 8 years ago and I'm sick of living alone.”

“But Steve, Mum!” He protested. He really did not like the guy.

“Enough, Jordan! I'm the adult here and I make the calls. Go start on your room.”

“Now? We've got all week.”

“It'll take you that long to sort-out the mess in there.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

He went to his room, put on some music and started sorting through his treasures. How could she call it junk? It was like a record of his life in here. He'd spent his whole life, ever since he could remember, growing up in this town, this house and mostly in this room Now they were leaving. How could she?

“Fuck it, Mum!”

He went to school on the days that followed and every day one or more of the Tight Five came back home with him to 'help pack'. What they mostly did was sit around sharing memories, they'd had some good times together.

“You going to tell that Dillon where you're moving to?” Lucas asked.

“I guess so. Sometime,” Jordan shrugged. “He's a mate, Lucas. We're not together anymore but we're still friends.”

“Course you are,” Gene said. “That's why you're still here, Lucas. Jordie keeps his friends, he's very good at that.

“By the look of this room, he's very good at keeping everything! Look at it all – even ice-block wrappers.”

“Every picture tells a story.”

“Shut up, Jordie. We're never going to get everything here sorted. What we need to do is to shove it all in boxes and he can take it with him.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” the Cat agreed. “We'll do that.”

They did that.

Thursday evening, after the others had gone home, Jordan went around to talk to Ashton. He hadn't seen much of him all week, apart from at school, and he was a bit worried about why not? He went around to the back of the house and tapped on his bedroom window. Tapped hard because he knew he'd have his ear-buds in, he always did.

He'd just about decided that he couldn't hear him and he'd have to go around to the door when the drapes flew open and Ashton looked out. “What?”

“Open the friggin' window. Let me in, Ashton.”

He opened it and Jordan scrambled inside. “'Bout time too.”

“You're lucky I'm letting you in at all. What're you doing here, Jordie? There's school tomorrow.”

“Not for me, there's not. I'm not going. I've come to see you, of course. Can I stay the night?”

“No, you can't. Go home.”

“I can't? Why not?”

“Because I'm not happy with you.”

“I thought so. Why aren't you? Because we're moving away?”

“What else? I don't want you to go.”

“Nor do I. It's not my friggin' idea you know, it's all Mum's and she's even more stubborn than you are. She's being a bitch.”

“She's being a mega bitch. Doesn't she care that she's breaking up the Tight Five?”

“Apparently not. She's doing it anyway, 'cause she's got the hots for that Steve. I'm going to miss you so much! Can I stay the night with you?”

“Yeah, 'course you can. But we'd better go and tell Mum first. She'd have a fit if she didn't know and she found out in the morning.”

“What if she says that I've gotta go home?”

“Then you'll have to go home. Nah, don't worry, she won't. She likes you, for some strange reason. I don't know why.”

“Yeah you do. You love me really.”

“Oh really? You're a crap guitarist.”

“Everyone is, compared to you.”

“True, true. C'mon, we'll talk to Mum.”

Jordan's staying the night was okay with Mrs Morris, of course. He'd slept-over many times, so she wasn't even surprised. She insisted that he ring his mother though; she didn't want the police banging on her door in the middle of the night.

They had a drink and a sandwich, then showered, separately, and both slid into Ashton's bed, in their underwear, to watch a movie before they went to sleep.

Jordan turned the TV and X-box off, using the controller and the remote. Ashton had to get out of bed to turn the light off. “I wish we had a remote for that too.”

“You don't need one, you need the exercise.”

“I get enough exercise – walked home from school, didn't I? Anyway, you don't get any more than I do.”

“I don't. This is so cool, Ashton. I'm going to miss you heaps!”

“Course you are. I'll miss you too – a little bit.”

That started a wrestling match and they totally wrecked the bed. That finished with Jordan losing, pinned beneath his mate, face to face. Ashton lay on top of him, holding both of his outstretched hands and with his feet hooked around his ankles. “Give in,” he demanded.

“Never!” Jordan grunted. “What's that I can feel down there? Ashton's got a boner. He has too – he's got little boner!”

“Shut up.” Ashton went so red in the face that Jordan could see it in the almost-dark. “I can't help it. It's just natural when someone's wriggling under you.”

“Sure, sure,” Jordan grinned. “That's what they all say. Fancy me, do you?”

“I do not. Eww! a, I'm not gay and b, it's not little.”

He released him and pulled the duvet up to cover them both. “Enough mucking around, Mum'll be in to yell at us in a minute and it's time we were sleeping anyway.”

“Sleeping? Waste of time. I thought we could stay awake and talk all night.”

“Well you thought wrong. Some of us have got school tomorrow you know.”

“Some of us, yeah,” Jordan sighed. “Wish I did too.”

“So do I.”

They lay quietly, side by side, for a minute, then Jordan said, “Ashton?”

“Yeah, what?”

“Can we cuddle?”

“I'm not gay.”

“I know that. I just want to cuddle. Can we?”

“Yeah, 'course. Come here.”

Ashton pulled him across and they settled down to sleep with their arms around each other and Jordan's head on Ashton's shoulder.

Brownsville Tales, Jayden & Cade, Epilogue

[Okay - here it is. Coward's way out maybe, but all i could see. Sorry about the delay - been away for a weekend with very good friends - in a batch (holiday home) in the middle of nowhere - no internet, no cellphones, no TV. Not even electricity and no fish either! But it was good. Came home to find the amiable-idiot house-sitter had stuffed the 'puter up, but i think it's fixed now. Hope so.]

Dear Cade,

It's funny to be writing to you like this. I haven't written a letter on paper for a long time. I think the last time was when I wrote to you in Aus, and that was years ago.

Granddad says that I'm chicken. Maybe he's right, I dunno, but I really hate goodbyes and that's why I'm writing, because I can't do it to your face. I couldn't even do it on-line, you might reply too fast, so here it is on paper. This way seems better anyway, like because it's important, and it is – way important! (to me anyway).

Remember when you were on your way to Aus and you came around to say goodbye when you were leaving? I do, I remember it like it was yesterday. Worst day of my life! We're older now and I don't think it'll hit you the same way as it did to me. But now it's my turn to say the same thing. Dammit.

I've spent most of the last week in my room, bawling my eyes out. I don't want to do this, but I have to. You don't always get what you want and sometimes what you get is not what you want at all. Nobody knows that better than me.

We've already gone, me and my granddad. Mum and Dad are going to sell up and they'll be following us soon. My brothers are not coming, they're going to board in town. Lucky them.

I'm sitting writing this in the airport, so by the time you see it we'll be there. We are going much further than you did, we're going to Germany! Don't know if I'll ever be back. I hope so, but who knows?

The thing is, I'm sick. Really sick. Ask your mum, she can tell you all about it. I wanted to tell you but I couldn't because it was too hard, so I told her instead. What I've got is a chronic condition. That means it doesn't go away and, one day, it's going to kill me. We hope that won't be for a long, long time, but it could happen anyday.

There's this doctor at a clinic there and he says that there's a chance, a slim chance, that they might be able to cure me. That's why we're going now. The sooner they start the better the chances of success.

I hope you won't forget me. I know that I'll never forget you. You're the bestest friend I've ever had and I can honestly say that I've enjoyed every minute with you. Except for when you said goodbye – that was stink!

So, Cade, thanks for being my friend. I really hope that I'll see you again someday, but for now – goodbye. Sorry.

Love you lots, Jayden XXX

a bit more of part 13

(this is a tack-on. Think i've painted myself into a corner here, but there might be a way out )

The day went on. They played the games and didn't move, except when the sun cast shadows from the house roof across their legs. Cade moved into the sunshine, Jayden moved into the shade.

Lance arrived, alone and on foot, back from the paddock declaring that he was sick of the sight of Angel's pony and everything about it. He went into his room, turned on his X-box and joined in their game.

Just after 3pm, Jayden's mother arrived. She pulled in off the highway and parked next to them. “Hello, Sweetie.”

“Hey, Mum. What're you doing here?”

“Checking on you. I'm allowed to visit my friends, aren't I? How has your weekend been?”

“It's been good, really good.”

“Well that's good, and you're feeling all right?”

“I'm fine, Mum.”

“You're sure? Well, that's good too. How are you, Cade? Sick of him yet?”

“Never! I'm good, Mrs C. Mum's inside, I think.”

“I hope so. She's expecting me – I phoned ahead. I'll go in and see her then. Get your things together and say your goodbyes, Jayden. You're coming home with me when I go.”

“Oh no, Mum! Couldn't I stay just one more night? I'm all right, really I am.”

“No, you can't. It's good that you had a good weekend, but it's over now and it's time to go home. You don't want to outstay your welcome. Besides, your granddad has got some news for you – big news, so you have to come and hear all about it.”

“Can't it wait 'til tomorrow?”

“No, Jayden, it can not. I'll be back soon and you be ready to go home.”

“Well yeah. Okay, but it better be worth it!”

“It is. Tell him to go home, Cade.”

She went inside, the boys looked at each other and shrugged.

“I guess you're going home then.” Cade shut their game down and turned the TV and X-box off. “There'll be other weekends.”

“I suppose, but I was enjoying this one. Can you come out and stay with me next week? I want to show you our new house and stuff.”

“Yeah. That'll be great, thanks. We'll do that. It'll be good to catch-up with your family too.”

“Think your olds will say it's okay?”

“Of course they will. I'll have all week to work on them.”

“Work hard then.”

“Depend on it. Your bag still in the guestroom. Is it?”

“I think so, but my shoes are in the sleepout.”

“Go and get them then. What do you think your granddad's news is?”

“I haven't the faintest idea. Something good I hope.”

“It will be. Your grandad's a good guy. C'mon then.”

They only had about an hour, and then it was time to go. Both Mrs C's came out and their boys were sitting, side by side, on the benchseat outside the sleepout.

In a way, they were both glad that it was time. The conversation had stalled and they were sitting silently, both wanting to tell the other what was on their mind and both to shy to say it because of the reaction it might get.

Jayden got up and opened the car door. Cade put his bag in on the backseat.

“Thanks, Mate, and thanks for the weekend. It's been the best time I've had in a long time.”

“We didn't do much, but yeah, it was good. Thanks for coming and I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Maybe not tomorrow,” Mrs Curtis said. “I doubt if he'll be at school tomorrow, we'll have some things to attend to. You'll see him when you see him.”

“Oh, what things.”

“Granddad will tell you when we get home.”

“Fair enough, but can't you give me a clue? No? Okay. 'Bye Cade. Thanks again.”

“Goodbye, Jayden and thank you too.”

They stood, awkwardly facing each other until Cade got brave. He reached out and touched Jayden's shoulder and they moved into a long and wholehearted, full-body hug. (Carefully keeping erect dicks out of the way). It went on long enough that it was starting to get embarrassing but neither wanted to be the one to finish it. Mrs Curtis coughed and they moved apart.

“Thanks for having me, Mrs Caldwell. It's been great.”

“You're very welcome, Jayden – any time at all. Thanks for all your help yesterday. Come back soon.”

“Well,” he looked at his mother, “I'll try to. 'Bye.”

He got into the car and buckled up. His mum said goodbye and got in too. She started the engine, reversed out to the road and left. Jayden looked back and waved as they started up the highway.

Cade waved back, then went into his room and shut the door. He felt like crying and that'd be so not cool in front of his mum. He hoped that he would see him at school tomorrow.

He didn't. He didn't see him again at all.

Life's a bugger sometimes.

Brownsville Tales, Jayden & Cade, 13

They finished eating. Cade all-but licked his plate clean; Jayden didn't, he pushed his almost-finished meal away. “Can't eat anymore, sorry.”

“That's fine,” Mrs. C replied. “If you're hungry later there's plenty more,. I'll leave it in the oven.”

“Thanks, Mum. C'mon, Jayden.” Cade stood up and led the way out to the sleepout.

“There's no TV in here.” Jayden followed him in.

“Don't need one. We've got my laptop and that's better.”

“Why is it better?”

“We can watch 'TV On Demand' – what we want, when we want and no flamin' ads!”

“Sounds good to me. What are we watching?”

“At the moment, I'm watching you.”

“Me? Why, Cade?”

“Because I want to. Jayden, what's wrong with you?”

“Not a lot.”

“Yeah there is. Something's not right.”

Well, all right then - I've been a bit sick.”

“Obviously. What was it?”

“Just a condition. Nothing to worry about, I've got it under control.”

“You sure?”

“Yep. What's on TV?”

“Probably not much, but let's have a look,” Cade sighed, frustrated again. He knew there was more to the story but Jayden obviously wasn't going to tell him. Not yet.

He'd just have to wait until he was ready, whether he liked it or not, and he didn't. Not everything about growing up is a good thing. Getting secrets out of people was easier for kids – when they were 8 or 9 all they had to do was sit on the other one and tickle until they told.

Of course, when he was 8 or 9 it'd be Jayden sitting on top, he was stronger than him then. He wasn't now.

There was nothing on TV, they tried a couple of X-box games but couldn't get into them either, so they sat together on the narrow bed and watched a movie and a half.

Partway through the second movie, Cade realised that Jayden was asleep again, so he turned the lap-top off, stood and straightened Jayden's legs and covered him up. He stood and smiled for a minute, then turned the light off and went into the house to sleep in the guest-room again.

As much as he would've liked to sleep cuddled up with Jayden, he wouldn't do that without being invited and he knew he'd never get to sleep anyway. Jayden would get a better night's sleep too, left alone in the bed.

He woke in the morning, stumbled out to the kitchen and Jayden was sitting there talking to his mum. She looked around and smiled.

“Good morning, Sleepyhead! About time you emerged, everyone else has been up for ages.”

“Good for them,” Cade muttered and frownewd at the bright morning sunlight streaming in the end window. He flopped down at the table. “Hey, Jayden. How's you today?”

“Hey. I'm good,” Jayden smiled. “You?”

“Always good.”

“Sure you are.”

“Always. So where is everybody?”

His mother answered. “Your dad, Lance and Angel are down at the paddock, cleaning it up and waiting for the pony to arrive. Are you going down to join them?”

“Me? Not likely. We saw more than enough of the place yesterday.”

“Actually, Cade, there's something I need you to do. You boys took that rope down the cliff track to the beach the other day. You need to go and get it, roll it up and take it down to your dad.”

“Damm. Okay, Mum, I'll do that later.”

“No, do it now. They might need it when the pony arrives. Go get it now and I'll do you a cooked breakfast when you get back.”

“Well . . do I get bacon?”

“Of course.”

“Sausages, hash-browns and fried tomatoes?”

“Yes, I'll do the works. Pancakes too, if you like.”

“You know I like! Okay, I'm on my way. Wait here, Jayden and I'll be back soon.”

“Yeah, sure. I'll be here.”

“I might even let you share my breakfast – you can smell it and I'll eat it.”

“Jayden will have his own breakfast. On your way, Cade and don't rush going down that track. Be careful!”

“I will. I'm gone. See you soon.”

Cade was out the door in a reasonable sort of hurry and Mrs. Caldwell sat down next to Jayden at the table.

“Right then,” she said. “That's got rid of him for a few minutes. Now we can talk. Jayden, we've known you for a long time and you were always like another son around here, I hope you will be again. Do you want to tell me what's wrong with you?”

“There's nothing much wrong, Mrs. C. No worries.” He tried to brush her off, but she wasn't having that.

“No, Jayden. There is something wrong and it's not nothing much. Your mother was worried about you coming out here this weekend and she wants me to let her know if I'm at all concerned about you and I think that I am. All that she would tell me was that you're not well, and that's pretty obvious to me too.

So, what's wrong? Spill it, Boy, I'm worried about you.”

“You don't have to worry, I've got it under control.”

“Sure you have. Well, are you going to tell me or not?”

“You don't give up easily. Okay, I've got a condition. It's under control, but it won't go away and I have to live with it.”

“Oh. What condition?”

“If you want a name, leuchemia is close enough. I'm not in pain or anything, I've just got no energy and get tired really easily.”

“You do. Have you got medication for it?”

“I've got heaps of medication – way too much.”

“Can't it be cured?”

“No. There is no cure, all they can do is maintain it. Don't worry, it's not infectious or anything. No-one's going to catch anything off me.”

“I wasn't worried about that.”

“There's no need to. It's a sort of cancer, in the bone marrow, and I've got way too many white blood cells.”

“Isn't that a good thing?”

“Not really, it means I haven't got enough red ones and they're the ones that carry the oxygen around to where it's needed. It means I'm anaemic.”

“And that's why you get tired. That's not nice, but I suppose you can live with that if you have to.”

“I do have to.”

“Can't they give you a blood transfusion, or whatever?”

“Believe me, they've tried everything. I must've cost the Health Budget a fortune! I've been living with this for years now. It's under control, but that's not the worst part.

“It's not? Damm, Jayden, how could it be any worse?”

“Easily. The thing is, I've got no immunity, or resistance, to anything else I might catch. This is not going to kill me, but anything else could. Even the flu could be enough to bowl me over.”

“Oh Jayden!” She put an arm around him and hugged his shoulders. “You poor kid. That's just awful. What a horrible thing to live with. You were always such a strong and healthy boy too.”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I was. Back in the good old days, I was.”

“Have you told Cade about this?”

“No and I'm not going to. Not yet anyway.”

“I think he needs to know.”

“Not yet. I was going to tell him this weekend, but I can't do it. He was just so happy that I was coming out here and I don't want to spoil that. It's just so good to be here with all of you guys. Please, Mrs. C, let us have this one weekend like the old days, kind-of. Just old friends.”

“Of course, if you're sure that's what you want.”

“That's very much what I want.”

She hugged him and kissed his cheek, then stood up. “I'd better get some breakfast started. Cade will be back any minute now declaring that his belly thinks his throat's been cut. Is there anything that you can't eat?”

“There's not. Whatever Cade has will be fine, thanks. Only a little bit though, I can't eat much.”

“Yes, I've noticed that too. Thanks for telling me and if there's anything that I can do, anything at all, you've only got to say.”

“Thanks, Mrs. C. I love you too.”

“I love you very much. To me you'll always be my boy's knight in shining amour who saved him from being thrown into the lagoon, all those years ago.”

“Years and years,” he nodded and smiled. “It was worth it too – I got a good friend out of it.”

“You both did.” She turned away before she started crying.

Cade came back; he rushed through the backdoor. “Okay, that's done, Mum. Where's my breakfast? I'm so hungry my belly thinks my throat's been cut!”

Mrs Caldwell and Jayden looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“What? What's so funny?”

“You are, Cade. That's exactly what your mum said you'd say.”

“She knows me too well, I think.”

“That's my job,” Mrs. C smiled. “I'm nearly done here, Cade. Go and wash your hands. Brush your hair too, it looks like you've been dragged backwards through a bush.”

“Well I have been – sort-of.” He left for the bathroom and she put a box of cereal, milk, fruit, and 2 bowls on the table.

“Help yourself, Jayden. You'd better get in before the rush.”

“Umm. None for me thanks. If I eat cereal I'll have no room for anything else.”

“Okay. You know best. Do you want pancakes?”

“Maybe one. I am a little bit hungry.”

“Good Lad,“ she smiled fondly.

Cade came back again, they ate their yummy breakfast, then he said, “Right then. Are you ready for another thrashing on the X-box?”

“You can try, but you won't win.” Jayden rose to the challenge.

“Oh no,” Mrs. C said. “It's a lovely day out there. Don't waste it sitting indoors. Your bodies need vitamin B, or is it vitamin D? One or the other anyway and you only get it from the sunshine. Go outside for a while – go down to the beach, climb a hill or whatever.”

“Yeah, whatever, Mum, “ Cade replied. “C'mon, Jayden – out of here before we have to clean-up or something.”

“Well, if you're offering . .” Mrs C. started - too late, they'd gone. “Oh well,” she shrugged and started cleaning herself. She did like her new kitchen/dining/living-room, it was big, airy and well-lit by the wide windows with wonderful views of the sea and coastline but, with so many mouths to feed, it got messy in a hurry.

A few minutes later, on the way out to the backyard with a load of laundry to peg-out to dry and air in the sunshine, she saw the boys, rolled her eyes and shook her head. Cade's wide-screen TV was carefully placed just inside the open doorway of the sleep-out and Cade and Jayden, complete with caps and suglasses, were out in the driveway, lying on sun-loungers, X-box controllers in their hands, busily competing with each other and other on-line players in their game. (she could hear voices with foreign accents coming from the TV speakers).

They were out in the sunshine, she supposed

'Teenagers! One day their generation will rule the world – there's a scary thought.'

The boys both knew that Mrs C. was struggling past with her load of washing, but they didn't let on in case she wanted help. They were busy!

Lying in the sunshine, on their loungers, Cade in shorts and t-shirt, Jayden in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, they were apparently engrossed in the game but actually they were both very aware of the other one beside him, and stealing glances. Their eyes met when they both looked at the same time and they grinned.

“Aren't you getting hot?” Cade asked. “You've got way too many clothes on.”

“I don't want to get burnt. I have to be careful because my skin's a bit sun-sensitive.”

“Will we move inside then?”

“No, this is good. I'll tell you when it's time to go in.”

“Do that.”

They carried on playing and not talking much. Mostly, they enjoyed being alone together. Mostly.

Cade was pleased to have Jayden there with him and to have him all to himself for once. But he was also concerned about him and a bit miffed that Jayden wouldn't say what was wrong with him. Obviously, he thought, they were not as close as he'd like to be.

If he had his way, which he wouldn't, Jayden would love him just as much as he loved him, which was totally. He wished that he could, but he could never tell him that. If he did, he'd lose his friend. Jayden wasn't queer, so that wasn't going to happen. All he could do was enjoy being his friend and make the most of the time they had together.

Jayden wanted to tell Cade his problems, but he couldn't do that to him. Not now, not yet. One day he'd have to, but until then he would just enjoy being around him as much as he could.

It was probably denial, but he tried to ignore his condition as much as he could. It was under control, sort-of. What was much harder to keep under control was this yearning, burning, aching love he had for this totally beautiful boy beside him.

Impossible in so many ways, but he loved him.

He envied all the girls who were flocking around making goo-goo eyes at Cade even though he was oblivious to them all. One day soon the novelty of being back with his oldest friend was going to wear off and he was going to notice them – the lucky cows! One of them was going to be the luckiest girl in the world.

Until then, he'd muddle on and enjoy what he had. Was there a worse curse for a gayboy than to love a boy who was straight? It was worse than being sick even. At least there was a way out of that.