Kaimoana Tales, Dills & Wills 3

It was late afternoon when they arrived; they drove into the center of the city, stopping for take-aways from a Burger King on the way, and arrived at the hospital on the edge of Hagley Park. Dylan found a parking space and left the car. They walked around to the main entrance and Ashton was there, sitting on the steps outside. Red eyes looked up as they approached and Dylan spoke.

“Hey Ashton. How are you?”

“Not good, Dylan. No bloody good at all.”

“How’s Damian?” William asked.

“He’s dead.”

“Dead? No!” He sank down to sit next to him.

“He died half an hour ago. They’re taking him to the morgue. There has to be an autopsy because it was suicide.”

“It wasn’t. It wasn’t fucking suicide – it was murder!”

“It was suicide, he did it himself, everyone saw him do it.”

“Yeah, but why did he do it?”

“I know why he did it. I wish I had the guts to do it myself. Oh, Damian!”

William sat looking at him, his face white, his fists clenched and his mouth shut tight.

Dylan sat down and put an arm around his shoulders. “Wills, don’t.”

“Yeah, I won’t,” he sighed.

He turned, hugged Dylan and cried into his chest. Dylan rubbed his back. The three of them sat in a row, William crying, the other two looking glum. William lifted his face off Dylan and looked at Ashton. He wanted to lash-out, but he couldn’t. Ashton didn’t look like the cool kid now, he looked like a boy grieving for his brother. “I know why too.”

“You do?”

“I know, he showed me, I saw his room. I’m sorry, Ashton, really sorry for him and for you too.”

“Thanks, William, and thanks for coming. You’re a good friend.”

“Damian was my friend. He was my best friend, apart from Dills.”

“And you were his. You were all he had.”

“Damm, I wish . . . I just wish.”

“Yeah, so do I. Wish I had a friend like you.”

“You’ve got hundreds of friends.”

“You think? I don’t see anybody here, do you?”

“No, but it’s a long way to come.”

“You and Dylan came.”

“Well, I had to. Dills came because he brought me here.”

“He’s a good friend too.”

“He is. Dills is the best ever.”

Ashton looked from one to the other. “Yeah, that’s good,” he nodded.

“Is there any chance that we could see Damian?” Dylan asked.

“You can’t now, they’ve taken him away. I suppose that the funeral will be back at home, you might see him then.”

“You think there’ll be a funeral?” William asked.

“I guess so. There’ll have to be, won’t there?”

“Not sure. But then, it’d be a chance for a public show, wouldn’t it? Lots of weeping and wailing and being all sad and everything to make people sorry for you.”

“Probably right. I could see some people getting right into that.”

“Your parents are bastards, Ashton.”

“Yes, they are.”

“I don’t know why you put up with it. Why don’t you walk out on them? I would.”

“I can’t. Don’t think I haven’t thought about it, but I’ve got nowhere else to go.”

“Nowhere at all?”

“Nowhere. Well, except for our grandmother’s and that’d be worse. I’m not going there. One thing I do know, I’m not playing their games anymore – fuck ‘em!”

“Good for you. You’ve got rights, bloody stand up for them. Be strong for Damian, and for yourself too.”

“Yeah, I will, and for Suzanne too. She gets the same crap that we did.”

Dylan nodded. “Now you’re talking, Ashton. Do you know Riley Sullivan’s mother? She’s actually a lawyer, and a good one. She sorted Colin and Jacob’s lives out, maybe she’ll do the same for you. You should go and talk to her, she’ll know what you can do.”

“Thanks, Dylan. I might do that. Do you guys want to come up and see Dad and Suzanne? They’re still up there somewhere.”

“No,” said William. “We’re not. We don’t know your sister, but tell her we’re sorry. You can tell your father to get stuffed. I don’t want to see him. We’re going home; do you want to come with us?”

“No, thanks but I’d better not. We came down in my car, I’ll have to go back with them.”

“If I was you, I’d throw the bloody keys at him and tell him to shove the car.”

“Maybe I will, one day, but not yet. I’ve got to think of Suzanne.”

“Well, okay. That’s what I’d do, but you’re not me.” William got to his feet. “Dills, I want to go home now please.”

“Yeah, we’ll go home. I’m really sorry, Ashton, and if you ever want to talk, we’ll be there.”

“Thanks, Dylan and thank you, William. Umm, tell me something, are you two a couple? I mean, I know that you’re cousins, but is it more than that?”

Dylan and William looked at each other and William grinned. “Oh yes! It’s much more than that.”

“I thought so. Good luck to you. So you weren’t like that with Damian?”

“No, it was never like that. I did love him, but we were just mates.”

“I’m glad you were. Silly little bugger needed a friend.”

“He had me. Didn’t do him a lot of good though, did it?”

“I’m sure it didn’t do him any harm. Shame he never reached out to you.”

Dylan said, “Don’t you make that mistake, Ashton. You’ve got friends, us and others.”

“I won’t. Thanks Guys.”

They all stood, hugged and said goodbye. Ashton went inside, Dylan and William went back to the car.

“Thanks, Wills. You did good and I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks. I still want to hit someone, but not Ashton. He’s not the enemy.”

“He’s not. He’s a boy crying for his brother. I hope he sorts his own life out.”

“Yeah, me too. Get us out of here, Dills. I want to go somewhere and fuck.”

“You what? Are you sure about that?”

“Totally sure. I want to love you and I want to feel your life in me. I need it.”

“Oh, my Beautiful Boy! Yes, I think I need that too.”

Dylan drove the car out of the city, turned down a side-road and parked on the bank by the Waimakariri River. William was totally naked and climbing over to the back seat before the car stopped.

“Come on, My Dills. Get your gear off and get over here!”

He wasted no time in doing that. He stripped off in record time and climbed back into his boy’s welcoming arms. There wasn’t a lot of room in the back of the small car, but they found a way and they managed.

William was always an enthusiastic and gleeful lover, but this time it was different. This time he was hungry and desperate, like he needed to confirm the life in himself and his lover.

Dylan was on top, but he didn’t feel at all in control. It was over and done in a short time, but when he came he flopped, drained and exhausted.

William kissed him hard. “Thank you, My Dills. I so needed that and I love you very much..”

“Likewise, My Love.”

They lay quietly, cuddling. William kept an ear against Dylan’s bare chest. “Dills? Know who I’d really like to hit? Damian! I’d punch his lights out if I could. Bloody stupid shit. He let the bastards win.”

“Nobody won, Wills. Everybody lost, especially him.”

“Yeah, I’ll never lose as long as you love me.”

“You’ll never lose then. I’ll always love you.”

“Good! Dylan, I don’t want to go home. Can we get a motel somewhere and spend the night together?”

“Sooner or later, we’re going to have to sleep alone you know.”

“Yeah, I know, but not tonight. Please, Dills?”

“Yes, of course we can. I don’t want to be alone either.”

They went on up the highway as far as Amberley, stopped there and booked into a motel. It was a cheap place, there was only one room in their unit, but it had a big bed and that was all they wanted.

They walked up the road, bought takeaways for dinner and sat and ate them in a small roadside park. While they were there, they both phoned their respective mothers to tell them the news and that they were staying the night in a motel.

They carefully didn’t say where the motel was, because if they knew that they’d come as far as Amberley, the mothers would, for sure, want them to come home. They grinned at each other, across the table, when they both said at the same time, “Yeah, of course I’ll be all right, I’m with Dills.” (“I’m with Wills.”)

The day was getting on, the sun was setting behind the mountains, so they went back to the motel, shut the door, closed the drapes and shut the world out.