My Story, 21

(Okay, here we go - hot off the - umm - keyboard).

So we were talking about the changes and especially the big change in my life. It was huge. I was like a different person and I would never be the same again. I fell in love, you see – fell like a tonne of bricks. Did you see that coming? I didn’t. I was more than surprised, I was flabbergasted! (It’s a word – look it up).

He came to me one night, in a dream. I don’t remember much of it, but I know that, in the dream, he was holding me – so close. I was clinging to him and I knew. I knew that he was the one; the one person who I would love for the rest of my life. He was meant for me and I was born to love him.

We smiled together, our lips met, he kissed me and I woke up crying. Damm!

Dreams could be weird sometimes. Okay, most times, but when they’re good, they’re really good and this one was perfect. I so wanted to go back to sleep, to go back to the dream and never wake up again. I just wanted to dream with him, to live and love like that forever.

My heart was bleeding and I wanted that feeling back. I’d never felt so loved and I loved him so much, I really did. But, of course, I couldn’t sleep now. I was awake and crying for my loss.

Oh, fuck! I loved him. This was not lust, not just liking and it was no boyhood dream, there was nothing childish about it. This was grown-up stuff, too grown-up for me, I just wanted to be a kid. Dammit!

But it was real, I loved him. I think my heart was giving my mind a wake-up call.

Outside of my dream, in the real world, he was not perfect, I knew that. He had his faults and flaws, like anyone did. He wouldn’t be human if he didn’t, and I’d seen more than a few of them lately. Even so, I loved him. For me, he was perfect.

Would my life ever be as perfect as my dream was? No, it would not. Our relationship was not like that and it never would be. He didn’t love me like I loved him. Dammit!

One thing I knew, and that was that I could never tell him. I could never let him know how I really felt. F I did and he said that he didn’t love me the same, I would die. I would just curl-up and die, so I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t, tell him – ever. Dammit.

I didn’t think I would, it took ages, but eventually, I went back to sleep but not back to the dream, that had gone. I woke in the morning, still feeling sad, and went back to school where I spent the day trying not to drool when I looked at him, or to faint when he looked at me. Damm. No-one ever told me that love could be like this. This sucked – but, I loved him.

Okay, enough of that. Back to the backtrack now. The week ended, the weekend came and I went to the Speedway, with Len and his dumb mates. This was not what I really wanted, but what I wanted, I couldn’t have. All I could do was to carry on and keep on pretending that my life hadn’t been totally derailed.

The Speedway was the same – same cars, noise and smells and the same people watching. I was probably the best-dressed person there. That makes a change.

Then, I saw Joel there. Bloody Joel Stafford was there! Dammit. What was he doing there? This wasn’t his world. It wasn’t mine either, but that’s different, I was invited, he wasn’t and no-one wanted him there.

What did he think he was doing? (He was just sitting there watching the cars actually). I hoped that he didn’t think that he was there for me. He was not my father and I didn’t need a babysitter. He got me so mad! I felt like going across and telling him to fuck off. But, I couldn’t do that, I didn’t own the place. Dammit.

Throughout the meeting, I paid hardly any attention to the races, I was too busy watching Joel and making sure that he wasn’t watching me. He didn’t seem to be, he just sat there watching the action. He was alone, I thought, his girlfriend wasn’t there and he wasn’t with anyone I knew. I would, wouldn’t I? Yes, of course I would, Tiroroa was a tiny place.

On the way out afterwards, I looked around the carpark and, yes, Mr. Stafford’s car was there. I’d know that old tank anywhere. Dick wasn’t there, I hadn’t seen him, just Joel. So he must’ve had his daddy’s car for the night. Whoop-de-do. Len had his own car and he was only 15. Joel must’ve been 17 by then. Dork!

I was not having a good night. Yes, it was my own fault, but it was his fault too – he shouldn’t have been there. He hadn’t said a word to me, he didn’t have to, just seeing him was enough to wreck my night. However, the night wasn’t over yet, there was still more to come.

Len, finally, dragged himself away from his mates, we got in the car and headed out to Waitere, for the drag-races.

We arrived, at Lower Waitere actually, according to the sign. There wasn’t much to it, just a few houses and a, closed, shop. Don’t know why they bothered giving the place a name, it’s no town. Shit, even Tiroroa looks big in comparison.

We stopped, with a string of other cars and petrol-heads. Len said, “Okay Guys. Wait here while I go and do some business.”

I said, “Okay, I’ll just sit in the car then.”

“No. Don’t do that. Stand up here, near the front.”

“It’s not warm, Len. Why can’t I sit inside?”

“Because you can’t. Nobody can see you in there. I want you standing out here where everyone can see you.”

He did? Cool! I was pleased with that. I thought he wanted me to be seen because he was proud to be with me. Dork that I was. Told you that I was dumb!

People were wandering up and down, checking out each others’ cars and the people there. I felt like a nun in a whorehouse. Everyone seemed to be looking at me. They knew that I didn’t belong there.

Len came back, grinning from ear to ear and he was, like, hyper-excited.

“Way to go! She’s all on Guys. We’re going to clean up here. Go and make your bets if you want to be rich.”

“They liked your trophy then?” Larry asked.

“Are you kidding me? They loved it! This is going to be the best Chicken Run ever!”

I wished that they’d speak English. I didn’t have a clue what they were talking about. Dork! I didn’t know what was going on but I seemed to be the only one. I just stuck close to Len and followed him around.

Everyone seemed to have arrived, so they all got back into their cars and moved a couple of kilometers up the road, away from the houses. On a straight section of the road, they started taking turns at doing doughnuts and mega-noisy burn-outs, and then some short one-on-one races over a couple of hundred meters.

Len didn’t take part in any of that. “Fuck no! I need some tread on my tyres.”

We leant against the car, standing there watching the warm-up events. They went on and on and it all got a bit boring. Joel was there, alone in the crowd and looking as out of place as I was feeling.

They all got sick of that and got back in their cars, going back to Waitere. It was time for the main event. Len stopped, joining the line-up, and got out to let the others out of the back seat.

I was going to get out to, but he told me to stay where I was. I was going to be his ‘co-pilot and good luck token’. (‘Cool’). He got back into the car and moved to the front of the crowd. I figured that this had to be a race. Not everyone was participating, there were only 7 cars in the line-up and some cars were moving off up the road already.

“Buckle-up, Virgin, and hang on tight. This is it!”

“Len, I wish you’d tell me what’s going on. What is the Chicken Run?”

“You don’t know? It’s a race, 15 kilometers up the valley from Lower to Upper Waitere. No holds barred and winner takes all. I’m gonna make a fortune tonight.”

“You’ve been betting on yourself? You must be confident, some of these guys are twice as old as you are.”

“They are, but I’m faster. We’re unbeatable, Virgin.”

“I hope so, for your sake.”

For answer, he just revved the car and roared a couple of times. All of the other cars responded and it was deafening. The old biddies in the houses would be on the phone to the cops. But, no matter, we’d be well gone before they could get out here.

A girl walked out and stood on the white line, in the middle of the road. She held both hands up over her head.

“Len, someone said there’s a trophy?”

“Yeah! I’ve put up the best trophy ever.”

The girl dropped her hands and they all roared off past her. I swear, I could feel the G-force pushing me back into the seat.

There was something I didn’t like here. Well, there was heaps of things I didn’t like – like the speed! But, there was something he wasn’t telling me. “What trophy, Len?”

“The trophy, my Little Virgin, is you, of course. Whoever wins gets to take you home and do what he likes with you.”

“You WHAT? Seriously?”

Pennies dropped and suddenly I saw what was going on. How could I have been so bloody thick?

“No way! No fucking way am I having anything to do with that! You stop this car, you Bastard. I’m outta here.”

“Settle down. We’re not stopping ‘til it’s over. You try getting out and you’re dead. Don’t worry, Virgin, I’m gonna win this. Your arse is mine!”

“You stop this fucking car, Crowe. Stop it now!”

“Oh, grow up! You want it, you’ve been begging for it, well, tonight you’re going to get it.”

I was so wild, I couldn’t speak. I felt like crying like a baby. The Bastard! The Absolute Bastard. How could he think he’d get away with this? How could I be so bloody stupid?

All I wanted was to get the hell out of there, but that was not going to happen, not at the speed we were roaring up that narrow, back-country road. It twisted and turned as it followed the curves of the river valley. Some of those corners had no camber on them at all. The road was never built for those kind of speeds.

There was a car right on our tail, breathing down our necks, and another guy in front of us, weaving to and fro to stop him from passing. He slowed for a tight curve, the sign said, “Slow 60k” and we were doing more than twice that.

Crowe saw a chance and he accelerated past him. He almost made it, but he stuffed-up, and the car skewed in the loose gravel on the left side of the road. He over-compensated, clipped the rock-wall on the right, and we rolled.

The car rolled, over and over. I think that we even went end over end. The world was a mess of screams, lights and the screeching of metal.

Finally it stopped, upside-down and, incredibly, still on the road. The engine was still running, don’t ask me how, and there was the stink of petrol everywhere.

“Oh Fuck! She’s gonna blow!” Len screamed. He got his door open, spilled out and took off running.

I was left there alone, hanging upside-down and I couldn’t get the stupid seat-buckle open. I thought I was going to die and I was furiously fighting the buckle and screaming my head off. The door was wrenched open and strong hands reached in for me.

He lifted the weight of my body and got the buckle undone. He pulled me out and dragged me away from the car just as it burst into flames.

The heat was incredible, it hit me in the back. I was terrified, screaming and crying. I would’ve collapsed on the ground, but he didn’t let me. He kept me moving until we were a safe distance away, and then he held me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck, clung on tight and bawled.

“Joel! Oh, thank God! Thank you, Joel, thank you! Hold me.”

“It’s okay, Virgil. It’s all right. I’ve got you, I’m holding you and I’ll never let go. I love you, Virgil. I love you,” he sobbed.

“Joel! I love you, Joel. I love you so much!”

I kissed him, frantically, and we clung together; sobbing together.