My Story, 16

Back to school next day. It was odd. Everyone looked at me. I got some surprised looks at my new look, but no-one said anything – not a word.

That was fine by me. If they never spoke to me again, I wouldn’t care.

I did overhear some of them talking to each other though. They were wondering what ‘the queer’ was doing now. Whatever.

We went in for our first class. I sat alone, of course, and they all forgot about me. I was old news now and they had something better to look at. A new kid walked into the room and he was nice to look at, very nice.

Maybe he wasn’t as good-looking as Graeme, (a boy like him only comes along once in a lifetime), but, even so, this was one nice-looking kid. Way better than anyone else in the room, if not the school. He was gorgeous!

He spoke to the teacher, Miss Simons, and then she sent him to a seat over the other side of the room, next to Jillian Carew. Lucky Cow!

Miss Simons stood up, “Right Class! Come on, Kids, settle down. It’s my great pleasure to welcome you all back for another year. I’m sure that you’ve all been missing me and I hope that you had a great holiday. Now it’s time to get back to the daily grind.

We have a new student joining us this year. I hope you’ll all welcome Leonard Crowe and help him to feel at home here in Tiroroa.”

‘Yeah, right! Like they’re all so good at doing that. Pricks!’

We opened our books and the lesson, the day and the year began.

At the recess, I sat outside in the sunshine. There was lots of talking, lots of laughing, as they all caught-up on each other’s lives. The new boy had a crowd around him, checking him out. No-one spoke to me, but then a couple of girls came over.

“Hey Lizzy, what’ve you done to your hair?”

Intelligent question, eh?

“Hey Cindy. Hey Loretta. Don’t call me ‘Lizzy’, I’m over that. My name’s Virgil, and I’ve had a haircut, obviously.”

“No more Lizzy? That’s a shame. And you’ve had the mother of all haircuts, obviously. It looks good.”

They walked away and left me sitting there feeling slightly gobsmacked.

All day long, I couldn’t stop looking at the new kid. Len, they were calling him. He seemed to be fitting in well and was never short of someone to talk to, unlike me.

Once, he looked up, saw me looking at him and he smiled! I felt like crying. I would’ve too, if I was on my own, but I wasn’t so I couldn’t. I wouldn’t give the pricks the satisfaction of seeing how sad and lonely I was.

Damm! I wished I was someone else. Anyone else. I hated my life. I wasn’t too keen on Dennis right then either. If I hadn’t gone along with his stupid plan, then I might have had a chance of making friends with someone like this Leonard Crowe, but it wasn’t going to happen, was it?

He’d have a hundred friends around here, but none of them was going to be me. Dammit!

‘Dennis, you’re a jerk and I’m dumb.’

I walked out of the gates after school finished and stood waiting while a stream of traffic went past on the highway. It didn’t happen very often, but sometimes it did when they got stuck behind a slow driver or something. Len Crowe came up and stood next to me.

“Hi, Virgil, isn’t it? You got far to walk home?”

“Oh, hey Len. I haven’t got far; we live just over the road there.”

“You’re right, that’s not far at all. I’m close, we’re living down by the park, but you’re almost at school.”

“I am. Well it is a schoolhouse. Listen Len, umm, I don’t think that you should be talking to me.”

“You don’t? Why not?”

“Because then you’ll be an outcast as well, if you do. You’d be better to stay away from me. They all hate me because they think I’m gay.”

“Yeah, so I’ve heard. You know what? Fuck ‘em. I’ll talk to who I want to. See you tomorrow, Virgil.”

“You probably will. ‘Bye, Len and thanks!”

He walked away up the road and I went across to home, happy and amazed. He spoke to me and he didn’t care what anyone thought! Ah well, he was new there. He would learn. They’d all tell him to stay away from the gayboy.

I let Jimmy off and went inside for a drink. There was nobody else at home. Mum had a staff meeting and Gran was out somewhere. I didn’t want to think about what she’d be doing.

I sat and thought about the new boy. I really liked him – like, really, really liked him. He was a cool kid. It was a shame that I’d never get to be his mate.

“You know what? Fuck ‘em!” Hah! Sounded like something I would say. Would he be big enough to be with me?

‘Oh, Fuck! He couldn’t be gay himself, could he?’ No, no chance. My life wasn’t that good. He’d soon learn who was safe to talk to and who wasn’t. Dammit!

I was tempted to take Jimmy for a walk to the park. Len lived near the park, he said. So did about 20 others, but I might see him there. No. I couldn’t do that. That would be just, well, desperate. I was desperate but I didn’t want to look like I was.

I went to bed that night with a whole new set of fantasies. Well, they were the same old fantasies, but there was a new star to play in them. Graeme? Graeme who? Mrs. Palmer and the daughters were in for a good workout.

They did get a workout, and then I cried myself to sleep because my dreams would never come true. Sheesh! I was a sad little git.

I went to school next day and it was a good day. Things were changing. Most of them just ignored me, but a couple of kids spoke to me, and one of them was Len!

He came and sat next to me for the maths class. “Hi Virgil. How’s it going? Mind if I sit here with you?”

“Hey. I don’t mind at all, but I don’t know whether you should. It won’t do your reputation any good.”

“My reputation? Fuck ‘em. I hear that you’re the best at maths. I’m useless, so any help you can give me would be much appreciated.”

“That’s cool. I’ll help you if I can.”

“Thank you, Sir!” he grinned.

It wasn’t Graeme’s grin, but still, pretty good. And nice. He made me feel good.

‘Oh, be still my heart! As Denise would say.’

“Hey, New Boy!” Greg Brown, sitting behind us, kicked the back of Len’s chair.

“Yeah? You want something?” Len looked around.

“Just wanted to tell you, watch where he puts his hands.”

“Why? Can he do magic or something?”

“No. I’m just warning you. That’s a faggot you’re sitting with.”

“Well, thanks, but I don’t care. I’d rather sit with a faggot than a bigot.”

“A bigot? Fuck you, Mate.”

“You want to fuck me, do you, Greg? No thanks, you’re not my type.”

“And he is, I suppose?”

“Why? Jealous are you?”

“Shut the fuck up!”

Oh dear! I kept my mouth shut, but I did enjoy that little exchange. The New Kid was not someone to be messed with. My hero!

My hero was a flawed hero though. Throughout the lesson, I did the maths and he watched and copied my work. That’s not good. I didn’t mind for me, it meant he was with me and he thought that I was helping him. But, was I? Cheating is not learning.

At the end of the class, we handed our work in and I said, “Okay. I hope I haven’t made too many stupid mistakes.”

“Yeah,” he answered. “I hope you haven’t too.”

“Len, look, I’ve never done any tutoring, but I’d be happy to try it if you want help.”

“That’d be great. I’d really like that. My dad is a surveyor, maths is his world and he thinks I’m an ignoramus because I just don’t get it. Can I come to your place after school today and we’ll get started.”

“Yeah, of course you can. I’m not doing anything, I never am.

“Cool Thanks. I can’t afford to pay you much though.”

“Pay? You don’t have to pay me anything. It’ll be fun and it’ll be good to have some company for once. Everyone’s got their strong points and weak points. There’ll be lots of things that you’re good at and I’m not.”

“Sports period is next and we’re doing a cross-country. What are you like at running?”

“What am I like? I’m the best! I’ll leave you standing and eating my dust.”

“I won’t you know. I thought you might be a runner, but, sorry, no way will you beat me!”

“I will!”

Joel came in 3rd in the race that day. Guess who came in 2nd? Me. Dammit. The kid was good.