Cameron, 6

He slept late next morning. He barely had time to grab something to eat before rushing out to the bus. He didn't get to sit with Giles, he was busy.

Giles was down at the back of the bus, with a girl. He did that sometimes. They exchanged grins, and then he took a seat on his own.

He was soon joined there by another friend. Rusty Williams flopped down next to him. "Hey Sweetie. Nearly missed the bus, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did," Cameron grinned. "But we got here. What's this 'sweetie' business?"

"That's you, innit? Want to go on a date this weekend?"

"Only if you've had a sex-change since the last time I saw you naked."

"Cut my dick off? Not bloody likely! Anyway, there's a party on Saturday, at Billetts. You coming?"

"Nah, I can't. I'm going away for the hols."

"Sounds good. Where are you going?"

"Going to my granddad's."

"That'll be exciting. Sure you wouldn't rather party?"

"I'm sure. Granddad does live in Nelson."

"Oh, right. Nelson's pretty cool - great beaches."

"They are. Excellent beaches and all covered in babes."

"Oh yeah! Stuff the party, I'll come with you."

"You can if you really want to."

"Nah. I can't. We're going to my granddad's on Monday.:"

Sounds exciting. He lives in Wellington, doesn't he? Crap beaches."

"They've got some good beaches if you know where to go. Better than ours anyway. Our beaches really are crap."

"You're not wrong."

"Am I ever?"

"Well. . ."

"Shut it, Cameron!"

They went to school, which was all a bit of a non-event really. No-one was nasty to him, except for Ellie and her clique. That was expected and he just flipped them off. Everyone else had their minds on other things.

Tomorrow was the last day of school for the year and they were all full of their plans for the holidays. He was old news already. He didn't know what he'd been so worried about.

Gabriel's email with directions to his home, complete with a map, had arrived when he got home. He replied and said thanks, and then printed it off. Choice. Now he wouldn't get lost.

He gave his bike a good going over - oiled and greased it and checked the tyre pressures, and then started packing gear that he'd need.

After dinner, he was going to phone Gabriel, but didn't. Thinking about it, he realised that Gabriel hadn't rung him once. It was always him calling Gabriel, not the other way around. He was starting to look needy. He was needy, but he didn't want to look like it, so he left it. He'd wait and see if Gabriel called him.

He didn't. Cameron waited around, trying to keep busy, until nearly midnight before he went to bed. There was school tomorrow - the last day of the year! Yay! He wasn't worried, much.Why didn't Gabriel want to talk to him? Didn't he like him or something? Because he sure did like him.

He woke up next morning and - whoah! If he thought he was late yesterday, he was wrong. Now he was seriously late. He was still getting his clothes together as he ran down the drive to the waiting bus. Good of the driver to wait for him, but he could've done without all the cheers and applause from all of the other dorks on the bus.

Thursday was just another day in school. No it wasn't! It was a great day, best day of the year, because it was the last. It finished at lunchtime and they were free to go. Well, those who lived in town were free to go , the other poor sods had to sit and wait, the longest hour of the year, talking and waiting for the blasted buses!

Giles was SO going to have his own car by the end of next term. Cameron thought that was a good idea, but he didn't really need his own car if he could cadge a lift with Giles. As long as someone had wheels!

They cheered when the bus arrived, got on and went home, at last. It was earlier than normal, but the townies were well gone. So not fair. They reached his stop, he looked back down the aisle when he got off.

"Bye Ladies. Be good."

A chorus of raspberries came back. He got out and did an imaginary brown-eye. His pants stayed on but he went through the motions.

His father was there waiting for him when they walked into the house. "All right then." He got to his feet. "You kids can stay here. Cameron come with me."

"With you?" Cameron gulped, instantly nervous.

"Yes, with me. I want to talk to you. Come out to the back."

Cameron dropped his bag and followed him out to the tractor shed. They walked in and stood in the shade there.

"You're going to my dad's tomorrow?"

"I am. Well, I'm starting to. I'm biking up there so it'll take a few days."

"Fun for you. Wish I could do something like that. Cameron, you like your granddad, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. Granddad's really cool.

"Cool. He wasn't always like that, you know. He's mellowed as he's got older. He was really hard on me when I was a boy, I don't want to be like that with you. I owe you an apology, Cam. Several apologies in fact."

"You do?"

"I do. I'm sorry for the way I exploded at you the other night, and I'm sorry too for sulking all week. Your mum says that it's about time I grew up and she's right. If you're gay, you're gay. There's nothing you can do about it and nothing that we can either. It's a long way for you to bike up there and back and the roads will be busy. If anything happened to you and I hadn't made things right between us, I'd never forgive myself. So, sorry. Okay? Are we friends again?"

"Thanks, Dad. But no, we're not friends. We're not now and we never will be."

"We won't? Why not then?"

"Because we can't. I've got lots of friends, heaps of them, but I'll only ever have one father. That's you and that's all I want. Shake?" He offered his hand but his father shook his head.

"No, I'm not shaking your hand. That's what strangers do. Fathers should hug their sons, agreed?"

"Oh, yes. Definitely!" Cameron grinned. He hugged his dad. Life had never been so good.

Walking back to the house, his father said, "I've put a couple of hundred dollars in your bank account. That's for your holiday and don't you dare spend it on anything sensible."

"Wow. Thanks, Dad, and I won't. That's great."

"See that you don't. Have a great holiday, don't do anything stupid and come home safely."

"I'll try to, thanks. I, umm, I do love you, you know."

"I love you too. Now go and take care of your chores, I've got work to do."

They parted at the house. His dad got into his ute and drove away. He didn't really have any chores to do anyway, so he went to the computer to check on his mail.

There wasn't a lot, but there was some. There was a note from Gabriel which was really good, but he was writing to say goodbye, which was not so good. His dad and Garth had returned a day early from their last trip of the season, they were full-up all ready. So they came back, cleaned-up and now they were about to hit the road - going home at last! He said to remember to call in to see them. As if he'd forget! He was looking forward to that and so was Cameron.

The message was sent early that morning, so they'd be gone by now. They were probably already back up in his beloved hills. Oh well, he'd see him up there for sure.

He loaded his bike up, hung the carrier bags over both front and back wheels and took the dorky flag off it. He wasn't ever riding around with that thing again. He filled his backpack and left it in the garage, next to the bike. Damm, there was a lot of stuff that he might need. Well, he'd be gone for a couple of weeks. Better to be safe than sorry. He ate with the family, and then went to bed early to avoid any awkward questions about who was going to be going with him.

Consequently, he was awake way early in the morning. He showered, dressed, ate and was gone before any of the others were awake. He just left a note to say goodbye and he was gone. That was good and leaving so early meant that he'd clock-up some k's before the day got too hot.

The town was, mostly, still sleeping when he passed through there. He didn't stop, just went up and over the hill and down to the bays on the south side. The coastal scenery was spectacular, but he'd seen it all a million times before.

It was hard going up the Hundalees where the highway wound up into the North Canterbury hills. He was tempted to get off and walk in places, but no. Dammit, he was not going to let it beat him. He had a long, long way to go and these were just the start of the hills. They lived in one hilly country!

'Must be nice to live somewhere flat.'

Going up hills was hard, but coming down them was fun and easy and for every up there'd be a down. He had to keep telling himself that. He took the inland road, through Waiau to Culverden. It was a back-country road but in good condition and it cut 67k's off the journey. At about 20k's per hour, that was well worth it.

He had a pie for lunch, at Culverden, and then carried on. There was nothing else to do and he was on a mission here. He biked for 10 hours on that first day and didn't stop until he got to Springs Junction. He was well-knackered when he got there, but he was determined and he made it.

This was the nearest 'town' to Gabriel's house and he was tempted to press on and reach there today, but no. He'd had enough, more than enough and he needed a rest. He'd sleep like a bloody log! He wasn't camping there in the settlement though - too many people around. He started up the road towards the Shenandoah.

There were a handful of places around there that were named after memorable battles and sites in the American Civil War. Gabriel had told him that a local explorer had named them that way because he'd heard about them from his cousin who had risen to be a General in the Union Army - fancy that!

He stopped in the first Rest Area he came to, found a riverside spot to camp in the back there and pitched his tent. Someone had been there before him, there were several circles of fire-blackened stones. He gathered some dead wood and lit a fire, cooked and ate sausages and baked beans, (high energy food), and washed it down with an instant coffee.

Only a couple of cars had gone past since he stopped. It was a quiet and peaceful place. He should've brought some music, but hadn't thought of that. Dammit. It was still far from dark but the day was well advanced and the sun had gone down behind the mountains. Even sitting close to the fire, he was getting chilly. He was cold! (Summertime in the mountains). He dug his jacket out and put it on.

It had been getting cloudier all day, which was good when he was biking, but now he wouldn't be surprised if it started raining. He bloody hoped not! So much for the weather forecast.

He let the fire burn down and he went to bed early, in the tent. He was comfortable enough in there, with his bed-roll, and heavy duty sleeping-bag, but it seemed like hours before he went to sleep. Maybe he was just too damm tired or something? He thought of having a wank, but decided not to. Who knew what tomorrow might bring? He hadn't done it all day actually. That must've been some sort of record.

It was raining heavily when he woke next morning. Oh joy! What to do? He could sit here and wait for the weather to improve, but that could take a week up in this country. They were almost on the West Coast here and it rained a lot there, especially in the hills.

No, it wasn't far to Gabriel's now. He'd pack-up, load-up and bike there in the rain if he had to. He had a decent coat with him. He'd still get wet but he could dry out once he got there.

He found the map and instructions that Gabriel had sent him, studied them, and tucked them safely into an inside pocket. He put the coat on, packed everything up, doing the tent last, loaded up the bike and started on the road. It wasn't far to go, just a couple of kilometers, but he was wet to the skin and freezing cold by the time he got there.

Cameron, 5

Cameron had a big grin on his face.

Life was looking good. It was like a roller-coaster, first you went down, and then you went up.

The excretment hit the circulatory device, big-time, the following day. When he emerged in the morning, his father had already gone to work and his mother was not in the mood for talking. She was hung-over and in a foul mood, so he decided to leave the serious talking until later - much later.

He got his own breakfast, said goodbye and got a grunt in return. He grabbed his book-bag, went down the drive and out to the highway to catch the bus in to school. He nearly missed it too and had to run a bit, which was not good, but he made it.

He envied Gabriel. Doing your schooling at home would save a lot of hassles. It'd be a bit lonely though. Gabriel said he got lonely sometimes. But, that was a good thing, in a way. It meant that he was open to making a new friend - even a dork on the beach in a storm. Cameron very much wanted him for a friend, he liked him. A lot. Funny really, they were both living here in the same small town, well, near it, and he'd never met him before. He was sure glad that he had now.

"Penny for them."

"You what?"

"A penny for your thoughts, Cam." The boy in the seat next to him grinned. "Just not with it this morning, are you?"

"No. Well, it's Monday, I hate Mondays."

"Don't we all? At least it's the last one for a while - holidays next week."

"Sounds good, and the sooner the better."

"Oh, yah! Anything planned for the hols?"

"No, nothing. You?"

"Absolutely nothing. I may not get out of bed."

"That sounds good too, for the first week anyway."

"Man, if I was in your shoes, I'd be in the gorgeous Ellie's bed and I'd stay there!"

"The gorgeous Ellie," Cameron sighed. "Tell you what, Giles. You want her, you can have her."

"For real? I'd give my left nut to have Ellie Thompson hanging off the other one."

"Hang on to your nuts, she's not worth it. No girl is."

"You're all sweetness this morning, aren't 'cha? You guys had a row? I guess she'd be pretty high-maintenance."

"High maintenance? She's a ball-breaker!"

"Ellie Thompson can break my balls any time she likes."

"Yeah? Well you tell her that, and good luck to you."

"You're really finished then?"

"Yeah, we're finished. I don't want to know her."

"Bollocks! You won't be finished. She keeps you on a short leash."

"She used to. The leash is broke and I'm gone."

"I'll believe that when I see it. You'll be back."

"I bloody will not! Not this time, I'm out."

"You're mad. C'mon Bus, hurry it, I want to see Ellie now!"

"Trust me, you don't want to go there. I wouldn't wish her on a dog, not even on you."

"Gee, thanks, I think."

Cameron smiled to himself. Giles was a good guy, but he had a big mouth. That news would be all over the school in no time at all. He hoped that it was, he really was finished this time. Good job too! It was time that he started living for himself, and he had somewhere to go to now, didn't he? He hoped so.

They arrived at the school and everyone shuffled off the bus with their usual lack of enthusiasm. Cameron was even less enthusiastic than usual, she was out there waiting for him. He sighed and braced himself. This had to be done. He got out and she started on him.

"About bloody time! I was waiting and waiting. Why didn't you call me back?"

"Because I didn't want to talk to you. All right?"

"All right? No! It's not all right. When I call, you come running if you know what's good for you."

"It's over, Ellie. We're finished. I'm not playing your games anymore."

"What? It fucking is not over until I say it is."

"Tough. Ellie, shove it. What you did on Saturday night was the last straw. I don't have to put up with that and I'm not. You're just foul and disgusting and I'm out."

"What? You think you grew some balls in the weekend? You know the deal, Fag. Do what I say or I'll destroy you."

It seemed like half the school was standing there watching them. He walked away before he made a bigger fool of himself, and she squawked.

""Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

He looked back. "Going to school. That's what we're here for, isn't it? You might want to wash that filthy mouth out before you come in."

"Fuck you! Fuck you, you dirty bloody faggot. You're gone. I'm telling everything, the whole story."

"Do that and good luck finding another slave. You might have to suck on your own hairy twat.

"Get back here. Faggot! Bastard! Cunt!"

She was standing there screeching when he walked into the school. He wished he'd done that weeks ago.

His dad was so right when he said that whoever loses their temper, loses the argument. 'Thanks, Dad.'

Everyone saw that. Good luck to her finding anyone to believe her now. If only she didn't have that video she'd made of him and the tourist guy, he'd be home free. With a bit of luck, she might've lost it or deleted it by now.

He wasn't that lucky, by lunchtime, it was all over the school. Damm their pixt phones! However, the fall-out was nowhere near as bad as he'd feared it would be. She'd made that vid on her phone and taken it through the window of the cabin, so it wasn't that clear. It was dark in there and it was hard to make out the faces. Also, everyone had seen Ellies's real face that morning, and it was not nice.

"Do your worst. I don't care anymore."

When asked about it, Cameron shrugged and laughed it off. "You really think that's me? Why would I do that?"

Those that wanted to believe it did, those who didn't, didn't. His friends didn't buy it, Giles thought that it was a huge joke. Lots of people didn't care one way or the other, it was the 21st century after all, not the 19th. All too many did want to believe it though, and he was getting lots of flack. He didn't react, they'd get tired of it.

He'd never been so pleased to get on the bus and go home at the end of the day. He so wished that Giles would drop the stupid gay jokes. No, he did not want to come and 'play' with him! Giles could go home and play with himself, as usual.

The bus stopped, he said goodbye and got off. His brother & sister did as well, of course. They lived in the same house, but they were years younger than him and they lived in a different world, except when he got stuck babysitting of course. Like now for instance.

They went into the house and the parents weren't there. Their dad was probably still at work, or maybe out on the land. He more-or-less worked two jobs, building and looking after the 4 hectare lifestyle block. That was pretty good going really, considering all the drinking he did as well. Their mother was often late home on a Monday. Monday was her shopping day and she liked to catch up with friends while she was in town. Sitting around gossiping and drinking tea really.

So, once again, he was stuck with watching the kids. They weren't too bad really, they were good kids and they weren't babies. Jonas was a good little golfer actually. Cameron hoped that he wouldn't get into the drinking side of the golf world as well.

He got a cold drink and logged-on to check his mail. There was heaps of it, but none of it was good. He was getting mail from kids all over town wanting to know about what Ellie was saying about him. He sent a standard answer to them all - "ROTFLMAO. PMSL! can you send me that vid? I'd like to see if it really looks like me." That should shut 'em up.

There was no mail from Gabriel. He cleared his texts and sent the same reply.

"Well, that's not so bad really, and I'm free! That's Monday down. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday to go, and then they'll have all of the holidays to forget about it. Smelly Ellie can go screw herself."

He went out to do his chores and told the kids to do theirs as well. They didn't have a lot, but they did have some jobs to do.

The parents both arrived home and it was not good. They told the kids to get lost while they had a very serious talk with Cameron. Usually he was pleased and proud that his folks were up-to-date and comfortable with technology, but not now. They'd both heard the news and knew the story going around. His mother had seen the video, she had it on her phone, and she knew that it was him. She had no doubt at all.

Cameron knew that he could con his father, no worries. His father was a successful small-business man but his world-view was very straight-forward. He was a simple man and he took things as he found them. Cameron could convince him of anything, pretty much, but not his mother. His mother was a different story, she was much sharper and there was no conning her.

So, he decided to come clean. They had to know sometime and now was as good a time as any. So he told them everything. He told them that he was gay, about the stupid thing he'd done and about what a bitch Ellie was being.

His father went right off, he exploded, and then he stormed out of there. At least he agreed about Ellie, he was better-off without her in his life. He told Cameron that he was a dirty queer slut, and then he left - to get drunk probably.

His mother's reaction was different and interesting too. She sat quietly thinking, and then said, "Okay, it's true then, we've got a gay son. I always thought that we did, but when you started dating Ellie I thought I was wrong. I wasn't. Did you use condoms?"

"With Ellie? No, we never needed them. We didn't screw."

"Not with Ellie. Forget about her, she's just a little bitch anyway. Did you use condoms with the stranger you had sex with?"

"Oh, him. Yes we did, he insisted on it."

"Good for him. I'm pleased to hear that. Okay, Cameron, you were stupid and you've got yourself into a mess, but you're dealing with it pretty well as far as I can see. I hope you've learnt your lesson. This boy who saved you from the storm, is he gay?"

"Gabriel? I don't know. I can't figure him out at all and I wouldn't have a clue. I really like him though. He'd be a good friend."

"I think you're right. I'd like to meet him. Don't worry about your father, I'll deal with him after he settles down."

"Thanks, Mum. Thanks for everything. You're great!"

"And don't you forget it. The way I see it, you've got enough problems without our adding to them. I'm your mother and you are our first-born, nothing's ever going to change that. What are you going to do about the holidays? I think you should get out of town for a while. Go away and give them time to find something else to gossip about."

"That's an idea. I hadn't thought of that. I know! I could bike up to Granddad's, I've been planning on that for ages. This might be a good time to do it."

"Bike to your granddad's in Nelson? That's an awful long way on a bike."

"It is, but I could do it. I'll take a tent and take a few days. I'll do the circuit, over the Lewis Pass to the Coast, up to Nelson and back through Blenheim and down the East Coast. I've always wanted to do that."

"Well, okay. That could be an adventure for you I guess. You're not planning on going on your own, are you?"

"No. I could, but it'd be more fun if I've got company. I'll ask Giles if he wants to come with me."

"Giles Townsend? Okay, you do that. Giles is not gay as well, is he?"

"Mum! No, Giles is not gay. I can have friends who aren't you know. I think that they're all straight actually."

"Lucky them, and of course you can. You work it out with Giles and let me know when you're leaving and when you'll be back. Tell your granddad that you're coming too."

"Yeah, of course. I'll call Giles now."

"Do that. All right, I'm going to talk to your father. You stay here and make sure that the kids don't kill themselves, or each other. You'd better feed them too, I don't know when we'll be back."

"Sure, Mum. No worries."

She left, for the golf-club of course, and Cameron took the phone to his room to call Giles.

Giles was definitely not gay. He was a farm-boy, his parents had a dairy farm. His name was Townsend and, at school, he was always known as 'Cowsend' because of his supposed activities with the bobby calves. Cameron didn't know if that was true or not. He'd never asked him and he didn't want to know, especially if it was true - Eww!

Giles was not at home. His mother said that he was out at the back of the farm, doing urgent fence repairs, and she didn't know when he'd be back. No, Cameron didn't want him to call him back.

"Don't worry about it, Mrs. Townsend. I'll catch-up with him on the bus to school tomorrow. Thanks. 'Bye."

He grinned as he turned the phone off. If he was a cow on the Townsend farm, he'd be breaking out of there too!

He checked on the kids, they were okay, just blobbing-out in front of the TV, so he went back to his room to talk to Gabriel and tell him how his day went. At least he had one friend who'd understand his problems.

Gabriel wasn't at home either, dammit. Or, if he was, he wasn't answering the phone, nobody did and they didn't even have an answerphone. How primitive was that? He just have to try again later.

He went back out and joined the kids in front of the TV. It was something to do.

Later, he fed the kids - pea, pie and pud. They ate, cleaned-up and went to bed before the parents came home - probably the wise thing to do. He did speak to Gabriel, for a while but not long. They had a house-full and his grandmother wanted to use the phone. He'd talk to him again tomorrow.

Giles wasn't coming on the bike trip with him. He'd like to, but he couldn't. His holidays were going to be busy; their boundary fences needed some major work done on them. He was going to be flat-out, but that was okay. His dad was going to pay him and he needed the money - he was going to buy a car, it was past time that he had one of his own.

Cameron was disappointed, but he could understand that, he'd like a car too. One day. He thought about who else he could ask to come, but there was no-one. Stuff it, he'd go on his own. He just wouldn't tell his mother. What she didn't know wouldn't worry her.

He had an okay sort of day at school, no great hassles. There were a few comments made, but he just laughed along and blew kisses at them. Ellie was a bitch, of course. That was nothing new.

When he got home, his father was there but he was in the tractor shed and he ignored him. Whatever, he could handle that. Beats getting yelled at. He did his chores and stayed away from him.

He had a good long talk with Gabriel before going to bed - a couple of hours already! It seemed like 5 minutes. He didn't care what anyone said, talking on the phone was way better than chatting on-line. He liked hearing his voice. He liked that boy!

Gabriel thought that his planned trek was a great idea, but he wasn't coming with him. Biking was not his thing, he didn't even own a bike. He had an excellent suggestion though.

"We're going home on Thursday night - back to the mountains! The Shenandoah Road is the shortest route and, if you come that way, you'll pass not too far away from our place. Why don't you call in and see us? Stay a couple of days and I'll show you around."

That sounded really great, he'd love to do that, so they agreed that he would. Gabriel said that he'd email him with details of how to get there. It wasn't hard as long as he took the right turn-offs.

He checked the computer 5 minutes after he'd hung up. It hadn't come through yet. Of course it hadn't. Damm, he was needy! He went to bed.

Two days down, two more to go and he'd be free. He'd leave first thing on Friday, sleep on the side of the road somewhere and get to Gabriel's by Saturday. Choice. He hoped that the weather was going to be good. The long-range forecast looked fine, so that was promising. So it should be, it was Summer after all, kind of.

He slept.

Year 2

(2nd interlude - sorry! Back to Cameron next time).

Carrie was 9 years old, almost. Beau was 7 and Bobby was 6. As young as they were, they were all full of energy, they were bored and they were restless. They'd been cooped-up in the car for hours, and they were sick of it! Their parents, in the front seats, were sick of it too, especially the mother. Much more of this and she was going to lose it completely.

"Cal, it's about bloody time we got a bigger bloody car! The kids are getting bigger and there's just not enough room in here."

"I know. I've been meaning to look into it. I think we need a van or a mini-bus."

"We do, and the sooner the better. Cut it out, Beau! You hit your brother one more time and we'll stop this car and you're walking."

"Dad, how much longer have we got to go?"

"Not long, Carrie. About 5 or 10 minutes. That's the Peninsular up ahead, Kaimoana's over at the other side of it."

"Well good! Hurry up, Dad, I've gotta pee."

"You always do, Sweetie."

The only quiet person in the car was Jared. He sat looking out the window, waiting and worrying. They'd had such a fantastic time here last year, the best 2 weeks of his life. What would it be like this year? Could they do it again? Last year was a long time ago. He was older now and so was Ethan, would it be the same between them?

They'd agreed to keep in touch, but neither of them was very good at that and messages had been short and few. He worried.

He worried needlessly. The car pulled up at the Ocean View Motel, the same motel and the same unit they'd stayed in last year. They all poured out of it and stood looking around. Jared didn't look enough, he didn't see it coming.

A flying tackle flung him to the ground and he was on his back with a boy trying to pin him down. Ethan! He bucked and struggled and they chortled and giggled as they wrestled and rolled around on the grass. Everyone else stood smiling down at them.

Finally, by mutual agreement, they stopped, sat up and looked at each other.

"Dorkface."

"Pussy."

"Damm, Ethan, you've got strong!"

"I've been training, but - nah, you're just a pussy."

"I could still beat you, Boy."

"Didn't though, did ya?"

"No, well you took me by surprise. Next time I'll do ya."

"In your dreams, Pussy."

"Dork!"

"Okay, you two. Enough of that." Mrs. Kersten interrupted. "Nice to see you, Ethan. We've got to get unpacked here. Where are you sleeping, Jared?"

"Where? With Ethan, of course. Where else? That is," he looked up at Mrs. Stone, "if I can?"

"That's fine by me," she smiled. "But shouldn't you ask Ethan what he thinks?"

"Oh yeah. Ethan, what do you think?"

"I think if you sleep anywhere else I'm not going to be happy!"

"Neither will I. That's cool then, I'm sleeping in Ethan's room."

"Of course you are," his father agreed. "No-one expected anything else. You might as well take your bag over there too."

"I will. Thanks, Dad."

"One thing, Jared," His mother interposed. "You're welcome to sleep over there, but you come back to eat with us."

"But surely," Ethan's mother said, "we could give them breakfast. If they're still talking by the end of the day, maybe they could both come over to you for dinner."

"That sounds fine, if they're still talking," Jared's mother smiled. No-one expected that they wouldn't be.

The parents all agreed, this time Jared and Ethan were a year older and they were both level-headed and sensible boys, so they were allowed much more freedom than they had last year. But only in the daytime, from dinnertime onwards they were at home with their families.

They spent a lot of their time with the parents and siblings anyway, going on outings or just messing around, but it was good that, when they wanted, they could go off together alone. They did a lot of just wandering around and exploring the town and the surrounding area. There was never any trouble and, once again, there was never a cross word between them.

The parents talked about that one afternoon when they were all having a picnic up the coast, near Clarence. They were sitting together on the beach watching the 5 kids playing in the surf.

"It's not natural, you know," Mr. Kersten said.

"What's not natural, Cal?"

"Those two, Jared and Ethan. They're boys, they should be falling out and fighting at least once a day, but they never do. They never disagree about anything. It's not natural."

"That's not right, Cal," Mr. Stone said. "They disagree all right, I've heard some long discussions between the pair of them. They just don't fight about anything. I think it's great the way they get along together."

"Don't get me wrong. I think it's good too, but I still think it's not natural. They're not acting like normal boys."

"What is a normal boy? Is there any such thing? I wasn't one, were you?"

"No," Mr. Kersten laughed. "I wasn't one either."

"You two can leave them alone." Mrs. Stone sat up. "The boys are happy and that's all that matters. Jared is the best friend that Ethan's ever had and he's good for him."

"I agree," Mrs. Kersten said. "Ethan is Jared's closest friend ever and he's good for him too. Let them be."

"They're happy now," said Mr. Stone. "But they're not going to like being separated again. Ethan was a pain when we took him home last year."

"Jared was the same," said Mr. Kersten. "You're right, they're not going to like it. I've been thinking about that."

"And?"

"And I think we can do something for them. We'll have to talk to them separately, if we can prise them apart. We'll talk to Jared first, and then to Ethan . . ."

Later that day, they all ate out in a downtown restaurant. The place was nothing fancy, pretty basic in fact, but it was a good meal and it was a treat for the kids. They didn't get to do that often.

When they returned to the motels, Mr. Kersten took Jared aside and spoke to him about his plan. Jared was so excited when he heard, he flew at his father and nearly knocked him off his feet. Mrs. Stone had the job of telling Ethan, and his reaction was the same. The two boys met in the middle of the driveway, held each others hands and jumped up and down, yelling at each other.

And so it was, when their 2 week holiday in Kaimoana came to an end, the Stones went north in their car, the Kerstens went south in theirs and Jared and Ethan also went south, on the bus.

The parents' plan was for Ethan to go home with Jared and stay there for another 2 weeks, following which they'd put him on a plane to Wellington where his father would meet him and take him home. Jared would fly up there to spend the next school holidays with Ethan. The boys were rapt!

"Best plan ever!"

"Ever, ever, ever!"

The bus took much longer than the car to get to Christchurch, of course. (And why is that anyway?) So Jared's mum was waiting to collect them when they arrived and took them home.

They had no guest-room, so Ethan would have to sleep in Jared's room, which they didn't mind at all.

"There's a mattress in the rafters in the garage. We'll drag that down and put it on the floor. You'll be fine on that Ethan."

"No, stuff that, Dad. Ethan's not sleeping on the floor. He can sleep in my bed with me."

"Are you sure, Jared? It's not a big bed."

"He's not a big kid. Yeah, I'm sure, he's sleeping with me."

"Well . . as long as everybody's happy? Let me know if it doesn't work out and we'll get the mattress down."

Choice!

They had a wonderful time for the next 2 weeks. Every day they went out and about, usually on the buses, sometimes doubled on Jared's bike. Jared showed Ethan around his city and his world. It was great! The best time each day came after they'd gone to Jared's room and gone to bed.

They'd discovered a really, really choice game they could play in bed, but they weren't telling anyone about that. It was their secret. It began the week before, back in Kaimoana. They were in bed, wrestling together - quietly so they wouldn't get yelled at and told to go to sleep.

Jared's dick got hard, stiff and bigger. It did that sometimes, he wasn't sure why. He was a bit embarrassed and trying to hold it out of the way, when he felt Ethan's one against his leg and it was exactly the same! He rolled over on to his back and pulled Ethan over to lie on top of him, face to face. Their two hard dicks were pressed together and it felt good! It felt really good, so they just lay there enjoying the sensations.

Ethan moved, their stiff dicks rubbed against each other and that felt even better. So he did it again, and again and again. Suddenly they were humping against each other, rubbing and thrusting and jerking and it was so good. And better, and better!

Ethan's dick was jerking wildly on its own. He lifted his head up, opened his mouth and it looked like he was going to scream, so Jared pulled him down and kissed him to keep him quiet. That felt good too, really good. So they did it again when Jared's dick started doing the same thing. They'd never felt anything like it. Exhausted, Ethan got off him and they rolled apart.

They lay on their backs, slowly calming down and not talking about it. They lay quietly in the darkness listening to the waves breaking over on the beach and thinking, until they both drifted off to sleep.

They woke next morning and went about their day as usual. Almost as usual. They were both quiet, confused and thoughtful and still not prepared to talk about what they'd done. Something told them that what happened was wrong - it was like fucking, wasn't it? But it felt so good!

Their secret was a barrier between them all day. It was not good and the night was getting closer. After dinner, Jared, always the more outspoken of the two, decided that he couldn't stand it any longer.

"Come on, Ethan, we're going over to the beach."

"The beach?"

"Yeah. Big wet thing across the road. Come on."

They went over and sat quietly, just above the heaving water-line. Jared took a breath.

"Ethan, this is crazy. We have to talk about it."

"Talk about what?"

"You know what. About what happened last night, what we did in bed."

"I don't want to talk about that."

"Well, tough! We have to. This is mad and it's driving us apart. I don't want that, do you"

"No, I don't want that."

"Good. I think I love you, Ethan."

"I know that I love you. I've loved you since, well, since you saved me from those bullies last year."

"Really? Took me longer. What we did last night, that was sex, wasn't it?"

"I think so. But wasn't it, like gay?"

"Guess so. That's not good, is it?"

"Felt good," Ethan grinned.

"Sure did!" Jared grinned back and everything was all right between them. "We going to do it again tonight?"

"Do you want to do it again?"

"Hell, yes!"

"Yeah, me too. But we can't tell anyone, not ever."

"Not ever?"

"Never. They wouldn't understand and they'd stop us."

"They'd bloody try!"

"Okay, it's our secret. Just you and me."

"You and me rule!"

"Oh yeah. Want to go to bed now?"

"Fuck yeah! Let's go, we need an early night."

They went to bed naked because you were, like, meant to, weren't you? They weren't sure, but it sure felt good. They only ever wore their pjama tops after that. The second night was better than the first because, now, they knew what they wanted and, together, they worked out how to get there. It was choice. And they did it every night from then on.

By the end of their time together in Christchurch, they were well experienced and practised at what they were doing. They'd even worked out wanking. That was good too, but not as good as doing it together.

Even their extended holiday had to end, and it did - too soon. They sat quietly in the back, holding hands, while Jared's mum drove them out to the airport. This time, they swore, they'd be more faithful in messaging - every day! Also, it was a long time away, but they only had to wait until May when Jared would be coming up to stay in Carterton. Better than waiting the whole year anyway.

They hugged and cried when Ethan had to board his flight. He went through the gate and he was gone. Jared's mum put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

"Come on, My Sweet. Let's go home."

Year 1

(This should've come first. Now it's an interlude).

"That's it there. Unit 6."

"Yes, that's it. Unit 6, Ocean View Motels, Kaimoana, our home for the next two weeks. I hope it's big enough!"

"It's big enough. It's their family unit, sleeps 7, at a pinch, according to the brochure."

"Brochures exaggerate, they always do. I'm a bit worried about the 'at a pinch'. Why would they even say that? There are 6 of us after all."

"Yes, there's 6, but the kids are just little. They can double-up if we have to. You worry too much, Cal."

"I'm very good at worrying and if I don't get a good night's sleep this is not going to be much of a holiday."

"You'll get your sleep, Mr. Head-of-the-Household. We'll sort your bed first, and then everyone can fit in around you."

"In my bed? Not likely! I'd never get any sleep."

"You'll get your sleep. I still don't see why we couldn't stay in the camping ground, it would've been much cheaper."

"You get what you pay for. I'm not staying in a camping ground. Been there, done that and never again. Camping is for young people."

"And you're so old? You're just 40, Cal. That's not old. Life begins at 40, don't you know?"

"Life begins? My life is quite full enough, thank you very much! I've got a wife, 4 busy kids and a business to run. There's no room for anything else."

"And that's why we need a holiday. Relax and enjoy. Kaimoana's a great place for a family holiday, we used to come here every year when I was a kid."

"In the good old days. Okay, let's see what we've got here. You kids stay where you are while your mum and I check the place out."

"Dad! We've been in the car for hours and I've got to do wees right now!"

"Don't you always," Cal sighed. "Okay, Carrie, you can come and find the toilet. The rest of you can get out but don't go away. We'll have a look, and then we'll get everyone sorted."

"I've gotta go toilet too!"

"Sure you do, Bobby. You'll have to wait for your sister."

"I've gotta do poos!"

"We don't want to know that. Come on, Carrie, you'd better hurry."

"No worries."

The Kersten family all poured out of their fully-laden and cramped car.

"Hey cool! They've got a tramp." Beau hurried over to the trampoline in the playground area, the parents went inside, closely followed by Carrie and Bobby and Jared stood leaning on the car and looking around.

So this was it, their home for the next two weeks. Looked all right, he guessed, but he was not sharing a bed with anyone else. That was not going to happen, he didn't care what his mother said. He needed his sleep too and he was the oldest, wasn't he? He was nearly 11 years old, the others were all just little. Carrie was the next oldest and she was 3 years younger than him and the boys were even younger.

This was the first time they'd all stayed in a motel and he was looking foward to it. Usually, if they had a holiday, it was just staying with relations somewhere and that was always crowded. Dad had decided that they could afford it. His business was doing well, he had 2 chemist shops, in Christchurch, and if he had to have a holiday, it was going to be somewhere comfortable.

Also, he couldn't quite leave his work behind. He was thinking about opening another shop here, as an agency. It wouldn't have a chemist of its own, they could fill prescriptions and send supplies up from the main shop in Christchurch, it was only a couple of hours away. Kaimoana was only a little town, but they got a lot of visitors. Thousands of tourists came through here every year. A chemist shop should do well with the sunscreens, insect repellents, cosmetics and other crap they sold.

He'd already found a building, an empty shop on the highway, so he was going to check it out while they were here.

All nothing to do with Jared anyway. It was not his problem, he was there to holiday. He hoped that he found some kids his own age to hang-out with. Looked promising, there was one over there already. A boy, black hair, big dark eyes and very white skin, was standing outside the unit opposite theirs -just standing there watching the noisy Kersten family.

"Jared!" his little brother yelled. "Come and bounce with me."

"Yeah, okay. just wait a minute, Beau."

He started across the driveway to say hello to the other kid, but he saw him coming and he went inside and closed the door.

"What? Shy or something?" Jared shrugged. Shyness was not something he'd ever suffered from. He went back to play with Beau on the tramp.

The parents came back and everyone was busy moving in. The kids all helped their father, carrying gear in from the car and the mother told them where to put it all. Jared did get his own bed to himself, but he'd have to share the room with his brothers. They'd better behave themselves! The parents took the other room and Carrie would sleep on the sofa in the living-room, which she complained about but - tough!

Once all that was out of the way, the little ones played on the trampoline and the swings outside. Jared went for a walk, by himself, over to the beach across the road. He was not there to be a baby-sitter for the next 2 weeks.

The beach was a beach. It was nothing startling, there was hardly any sand and what there was was the same gray colour as the stones. There was no-one else around. He wandered along, looking at the sea-weed and stuff - bits and pieces of crabs and things washed-up and deposited along the shore-line.

There was a dead bird. It was probably an albatross, it was too big to be just a seagull. It was disgusting - and yet, interesting. He poked it with a stick and watched in fascinated horror. It was crawling with fat maggotty things - hundreds of them! He supposed that they must be eating it, that was one way of getting rid of it. Good job too, it stunk! They'd already eaten the eyes, they were gone. Disgusting, and interesting!

He went back over to the motels. The kids were still in the playground and the boy he'd seen earlier was sitting on the doorstep outside his unit, watching them. The boy didn't see him coming, so he walked up quietly and sat down next to him.

"Hi, I'm Jared. What's your name?"

The boy swung around and stared at him, all pop-eyed and scared looking.

"We're from Christchurch. We just arrived and we're staying in Unit 6, over there. Do you want to come and play on the trampoline with us?"

"No." The boy stood up. "I, umm, I can't. Sorry." He took off inside and closed the door again.

Damm. What was with that kid? Didn't look like he'd be making a friend there anytime soon. He climbed on the tramp and started jumping. His little brothers loved it when he got on with them because his extra weight made them bounce higher. They squealed with delight.

Carrie was up in the tree and if she didn't stop throwing green plums at them, she was gonna be in trouble! The barrage stopped anyway when the mother came out and yelled at her to cut it out and get down out of that tree!

They ate dinner in the motel. Jared noticed that there was no dishwasher! His mum grinned and said, "Yes there is, we've got 4 dishwashers - one, two, three, four."

Oh, bugger.

In order to get out of that, he took Bobby over to the beach to see the dead bird. Bobby liked disgusting stuff. They were squatting down, examining it, Jared looked up and saw that kid from the motels. He was backed-up against the stone wall below the sidewalk and was being threatened by a couple of bullies. Like, these kids were huge. They must've been at least 13. The boy looked like he was terrified of them.

"Hey! That's not good. We've got to do something, Bobby. You go and get Dad and tell him to get down here quick because I'm in a fight."

"But you're not in a fight!"

"I soon will be. Go and get him, Bobby."

Bobby ran away, back to the motel. For a little kid, he could sure move when he wanted to. Jared walked over to the others.

One of the bullies was saying, "Of course you've got money. Bloody tourists have always got money. Hand it over and we won't hit you."

"Not much, anyway," the other one added.

"Piss off and leave my friend alone!" Jared pushed in between them.

"Piss off yourself. Mind your own," the bigger one said.

"It is my business." Jared hit him as hard as he could. He punched him on the nose. Well, attack is the best defence, isn't it?

"Yoww! You've broken my fucking nobe. You little barftard."

"Good job too." He turned on the other one. "You want some? Come and get it."

Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Trouble was, this one wasn't scared of him at all. He was straight into him, punched him in the guts and, when he doubled forward, grabbed Jared in a head-lock and dragged him to the ground. They rolled around on the stones of the beach, grunting and cursing as theu struggled. There was no room to swing a fist, it was hard to hit at all, but they both tried. Jared thought that he had him when he got on top, but the goon kneed him in the nuts!

It took his breath away. It flaming hurt. (Just as well his balls hadn't dropped yet). It didn't stop him fighting though, it made him mad enough to try harder. Not that it did him much good though, he was losing. He thought he'd had it completely when when the goon sat on top of him and pinned his hands down with his knees.

"Gotcha, you Little Bastard!" He drew a fist back.

Jared was stuck. He closed his eyes and waited for the blow, but it didn't come. There was a thump and the goon fell off him and sprawled on the ground, unconscious. The boy from the motels was leaning over them.

Jared fought his way up and looked around for the other one. He was just sitting on the ground, there was no fight left in him. It was over.

"Wow." He turned back to the boy. "What the hell did you hit him with?"

He grinned and showed his right-hand that was wrapped around a duck-egg size rock.

"Oh, that. I hope you haven't bloody killed him. No, he's moving. Come on, it's time we got out of here."

The boy dropped the stone, Jared took hold of his arm and they went, together, back up to the road at the back of the beach.

"Thanks for that, Kid. I'd lost there and he was going to thump me."

"I had to do something. You only got into the fight for me. Thanks."

"You're welcome. We're neighbours, aren't we?"

"Guess we are. I'm Ethan, Ethan Stone."

"Stone? Good name for a kid with a rock in his hand," Jared grinned.

"Yeah," the boy grinned back. "Maybe that's where I got the idea from."

"A good idea it was too. Where are you from, Ethan?"

"From Carterton."

"Carterton? Where's that? Never heard of it."

"It's up north. North of Wellington, in the Wairarapa."

"Oh. I don't know the North Island. We're from Christchurch."

"Yeah, you said. I don't know the South Island, we've never been here before. Dad said that we were going to have a holiday overseas. I thought that we were going to Oz, or the islands or something and all we did was get on the ferry and come to the bloody South Island!"

"Well, that's overseas, a bit. We are on an island."

"I s'pose."

"Australia's an island too, a big island."

"A bloody big island, it's huge. You could drop New Zealand in there and not even see where it went."

"Yeah, you would. It'd be the green part."

"Might be right. Have you been to Aussie?"

"No, not yet. You?"

"Same."

They crossed back over the road and Jared's father was coming out from the motels. "What's this about you being in a fight, Jared?"

"You're a bit late, Dad. We were in a fight, but it's over now. It's okay, we won. Don't ever join the cavalry, they'd never get there in time."

"You think? Who were you fighting with and why?"

"This is my new friend, Ethan. He's in the Unit across from ours. A couple of big kids were picking on him and I went in to help."

"That's good, I guess. Are you two okay now?"

"Yeah, I think we'll survive. You are okay, aren't you, Ethan?"

"Yeah. Everything's good." (Grins all around).

"What are we going to do now?" Jared said.

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"Got a Playstation?"

"I have. I brought mine with us."

"Coolness! We had to leave ours at home. Dad, I'm going over to Ethan's for a while."

"Nobody's asked you to, Jared. Are you sure that he wants you to?"

"Well, do you?"

Ethan grinned widely. "Yeah, of course I want you to. That'll be great. Come on over then."

"Great! 'Bye, Dad. Thanks for coming, even though you were too late."

"I was in the bath! You cheeky little sod. Goodbye then. Behave yourself and don't be all night."

"I will and I won't."

Ethan led him over to his motel and introduced him to his mother. His father was not there, he'd gone out for a beer. There were no other kids, none at all. Ethan was an only child. That wasn't planned, it just turned out that way. Ethan's mother was a nice lady. She made him very welcome and said she was delighted to see Ethan with a friend. He didn't make friends easily. She worried about him.

"Mum!"

"Well I do. How long are you here for, Jared?"

"We're staying 2 weeks. Just arrived today."

"We'll be here for 2 weeks too. You come over to see us any time you want to."

"Thanks, Mrs. Stone, I will."

They played for a couple of hours, time just flew past. All too soon, Jared decided, reluctantly, that he'd better get back to his family. It was well after dark out there, but that was no trouble, he only had to walk across the driveway. Ethan stood and watched him go, Jared looked back, they waved and exchanged a smile.

Both of his brothers were in bed before he got there, but that wasn't much help. They were both wide awake, full of energy and being complete pains. They really were going to have to do something about the sleeping arrangements. Two weeks with these two in his room would kill him, if he didn't kill them first! He so envied Ethan, over there with a room all on his own.

Actually, Ethan was lying in his own bed envying Jared with his family all around him. He was lonely.

Jared woke in the morning, still tired and grumpy with it. He got up and complained to his parents. They were no help at all, they just shrugged and told him to get over it. He got some cereal and took it outside to eat in peace and quiet.

Ethan was out there, sitting on his own doorstep. They flashed grins, Jared went across and sat down next to him.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Sleep well?"

"No! Sleeping with my brothers is like having a couple of big fat annoying blow-flies in the room."

"Yeah? They have got a lot of energy."

"They never stop. How about you, you sleep good?"

"Like a log."

"Lucky you. What're you doing today?"

"Mum and Dad are going out on a fishing trip and I so wish I wasn't going with them. I get sick just looking at the water."

"Not fun. We're going to a kids farm-zoo place, and the Mum's taking us for a walk around the Peninsular while Dad goes and does some business. Why don't you see if you can come with us?"

"Could I? That'd be ace! Thanks."

There was no trouble, Jared's suggestion was easily agreed to. Ethan's mother went over to make sure that it was okay with the Kerstens. It was.

They had a great day. Ethan loved being part of the boisterous family group, Jared was thrilled to have an ally in his never-ending battle with the younger ones. When they returned, the two families had a shared barbecue meal, out at the back, next to the kids' playground. Ethan's dad supplied the fresh-caught fish.

After that, Jared and Ethan went for a walk along the beach. The bird had gone. There was no sign anywhere of last night's bullies, so that was good. They went back to Ethan's to battle on the Playstation.

When she brought some supper in for them, Mrs. Stone suggested that Jared could stay the night with Ethan. They thought that was a great idea! They went over and cleared it with Jared's mum, like she was going to refuse with Ethan standing there looking ever so hopeful?

Jared grabbed his PJ's and toothbrush and they went gleefully back to Ethan's room. They showered, separately, and then went to sleep together in Ethan's big bed.

Nothing sexual happened, they were both 10, nearly 11, years old. While they knew, a bit, about 'rude' stuff, they weren't interested and it never even occurred to them. They didn't even touch each other, apart from a bit of pushing, poking and wrestling, until Ethan's dad came in and told them to settle down. It was a great night, they loved it. Jared never went back to share a room with his brothers again.

For the next 2 weeks, they were never separated and there was never a cross word between them. They spent all of their days together, usually with Jared's family, romping and playing like a pair of puppies. They slept every night in Ethan's bed. By the end of the two weeks, they were waking in the mornings cuddled together. Nothing was said, they just quietly disengaged and got back over to their own sides.

Ethan said, and Jared agreed, that it was the best holiday ever - ever, ever, ever! They loved every minute of it.

All too soon, it was over. On the last morning, they all loaded the cars up. The 4 parents, who'd become good friends, said goodbye, and they left for home. They parted at the highway. One car went north and the other went south. Each car had one very unhappy boy in it.

They'd exchanged addresses and they'd stay in touch. Hopefully, they'd all meet again for a holiday next summer, but 12 months was a long, long time. The only really happy person amongst them all was Jared's dad. His business had gone well and the branch store in Kaimoana would definitely be happening. He was dying to get back to work and get things moving.

They went home.

Cameron, 4

"Wow. Cool house," Gabriel enthused.

"Yeah, it's not too foul. Needs painting though. Dad's a builder, he says that a builder has to have a decent house, it's like a shop window for his work."

"That makes sense."

"Yeah, I guess. Thanks, Garth, for the ride."

"You're welcome, Kid. Anytime."

"Well, umm, thanks. And thank you, Gabriel. Thanks for everything."

"No problems, I had fun."

"Yeah, so did I. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Yes, very okay."

"Cool. Talk to you then Goodbye, Guys."

"Goodbye already," Garth waved a hand at him. "Get inside. There's no point in bringing you home warm and dry if you're just going to stand there in the rain."

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks again," Cameron grinned, waved and ran inside. The car went back to town.

He walked inside and looked around. The parents weren't at home, as usual. So where would they be on a Sunday? Not at church, that's for sure. Usually they were either working or at the golf club, playing or socialising. They wouldn't be out on the course in the rain, so they'd be in the clubhouse, getting drunk. He was a golfing orphan. He guessed that his parents weren't that bad really, they were not abusive or anything. They were just not involved, they were busy in their own lives and basically neglected their kids, which meant that he, as the oldest, was expected to look after the little ones all the time and do far too bloody much around there.

Still, if there was no-one there, no-one was bossing him around. He got sick of that. Why did people do that to him? It wasn't just the parents, all day, every day he had people ordering him around and telling him what to do. Family, friends, teachers, everybody treated him like a puppet who couldn't think for himself.

Ellie, his so-called, girlfriend was the worst of the lot of them. He was nothing but her slave and her toy, her sex-toy. She was a self-centred control freak. He hated it, but didn't know what he could do about it. He'd like to, but he couldn't break free. The Bitch wouldn't let him!

Ellie had a hold over him and she used it. She knew his deepest, darkest secret and, if he didn't play along and be her slave, she'd destroy him totally. It was nothing but blackmail. Normally he played along, forced a smile and pretended that everything was good. But it was not good, it was bloody awful.

He went to his room and flopped on the bed, to have a think. As you do.

Yesterday was the absolute worst day of his life. When he went out and sat on the beach in the storm he didn't care if he lived or died. He was sitting there thinking about how he could kill himself, without it hurting too much, that is.

He was going down on her, licking and sucking on her disgusting hairy twat. That was how she got her rocks off, she loved it. He didn't, he hated it, but she made him do it. It was disgusting and degrading. She never did the same him for him, ever.They didn't screw either. Despite what everyone thought, they didn't do that, never had. He just got her off in the way that she demanded and she never did anything for him. The nearest he ever got was when he wanked and she watched. She liked that and she made him do that too.

She went right over the top yesterday, it was the most horrible, foulest experience of his life. He was going down on her and she pissed in his face - right into his fucking mouth! She laughed like it was a huge joke, but it wasn't, it was the worst thing ever. Bitch. Foul, disgusting Cow!

She'd been running his life for months now, ever since she'd caught him having sex with a tourist in the motor-camp - a male tourist.. The guy, a visitor to the town, had picked him up and he'd gone willingly to his cabin to have sex with him. She saw them, followed them and videoed them screwing. Now she used that to blackmail him into being her slave. If he didn't do what she wanted, when and how she wanted, his parents, the school and the whole town would know that he was a faggot who had sex with strangers. Bitch.

So, she'd pissed on him and that was the last straw, he wasn't taking that. He left and walked out on her while she yelled and promised the end of his world. He didn't care. He sat on the beach, thinking about the best way to drown, and Gabriel came along and saved him.

Gabriel was such a cool guy. He was great! He'd come and found him, took him home and looked after him and he'd made no demands on him at all. He didn't ask him what he was doing out there, he didn't ask any personal questions at all, not a one. He was just totally nice and he'd saved him. Cool kid.

"Enough of that."

He stirred himself and got up to check his messages. There were several 'call me' notes from her, each one getting more strident and demanding. Apparently, they were meant to be at Lesta Simpson's for a DVD and pizza day and if he didn't call her right-bloody-now, this boy was gonna be in trouble! Enough of that too. He turned it off, couldn't be bothered.

Then he had second thoughts, he chickened out and went back and sent a message saying that he couldn't make it, he was sick. No sense in making trouble if he could avoid it. That wasn't a lie, he was sick - sick of her and his whole life!

He'd seen something last night with Gabriel, life did not have to be like the mess he lived in. There was a better life and there were better people out there. Things were going to have to change. How? He didn't have a clue, but they did and the sooner the better.

There was one more week of school to get through, and then they'd have 3 weeks holidays. He was looking forward to that but, apart from catching up on a lot of sleeping, didn't know what he was going to do with the time off. He wanted time off from her too, like forever. That'd be nice. If only there was some way, something that he knew about her that would keep her mouth shut. But there wasn't, he didn't and he wasn't free.

He had another look at Gabriel's pic. Damm. He wished he could go and live out in the wilderness like that. He'd never, ever, come down to town again. Could he do that for real? No, he'd never survive out there, he was no wild boy. Not like Gabriel. He was such a great kid. He'd love to see him out there like that, he lived in 2 worlds and it sounded like he preferred the other one.

He was missing him already. Could he phone him yet? No, better not. He'd only been home for a few minutes. He'd just look desperate. Better wait a while.

He tried to do some homework, but soon gave up. It was dead boring and he couldn't get into it. So he went online and played around there. That was always a good way to waste an hour or two. Why had he bothered coming home? No-one would've missed him if he didn't and he'd rather be back there with Gabriel.

He decided that, as soon as his parents came home, hopefully sober, he was going to tell them everything. He didn't know how they'd take it but his life couldn't be any worse that it was now. Something had to be done.

However, when they did arrive home, he didn't tell them anything. They were both too drunk, so that'd be a waste of time trying to talk to them.

The weather improved. The late-afternoon sun shone in a clear, blue sky and everything looked crisp and clean, as it did after rain. He decided to go for a walk, it'd be good over on the beach, better than in town last night. He shut down the computer, put his sneakers on and went out.

Funny, the sky was clear now, not a cloud in sight and the sun was shining, but there was still a lot of water around - puddles everywhere. Some of the paddocks were like little lakes and the small creeks and road-side ditches were full to the top. ('Great country for ducks!')

He went out of the driveway, over the highway and crossed the pine-covered dunes to the beach. A couple of pine trees had come down in the storm. Big ones too. Over on the beach, nothing had changed. He'd thought that there'd be debris from the storm lying around, but there wasn't any.

His phone vibrated, it was Ellie. Stuff her, he wasn't talking to her. He ignored it. A text came in, from her of course. It read, 'Where u? call now!'

He turned the phone off and put it away. He'd had it with her. He was out and he wasn't going back. Let the Ball-breaking Bitch do her worst!

He'd talk to the parents as soon as he could. Whatever their reaction, it'd be better if they heard it from him first. He went home. The parents were in bed, sleeping it off, so that was good. The kids weren't home either, so that was good too. He fed himself, just a thick sandwich with store-bought salad and ham, and then went back to the computer.

Didn't stay there long though. As soon as it logged-on, he saw the time, figured it was late enough and took the phone to his room to lie on the bed while he talked to Gabriel. He was glad he did that because they talked, about everything, anything and nothing, for over 2 hours! His ear was hot by the time he switched-off, but there was a big grin on his face. He liked that kid.

He had a feeling that Gabriel liked him too. He was not a bit tired. He lay back to have another think and, of course, went straight to sleep.

Cameron, 3

Cameron slept like a log. He woke in the morning, stretched his limbs and lay looking up at the unfamiliar ceiling above him. It was nice there, warm, quiet and safe. It was so good to be somewhere where no-one was making any demands on him.

He turned his head. The clock on the bed-side radio said 7.15am. Early for a Sunday, but they weren't up late last night, so that was okay. He was not about to go back to sleep anyway, he needed to pee, badly!

He used the bathroom, and then went back to open the drapes and see what the weather was doing out there. There was a light rain falling, but at least the wind had stopped, so it was improving.

A Kowhai tree in the front yard had been uprooted and was lying, crashed into the garden and hanging over the front fence. There was a mess for someone to clean up. He was glad that that wasn't him. It really was a wild night then. He wondered what other damage there'd be around the town, but couldn't see any from where he was.

In a perfect world, the witch's house would've blown away, never to be seen again. But the wind wasn't that strong. 'Ah, if only!'

Looking at the toppled tree reminded him of the old cliche that people trotted out every time a prominent person died, like Sir Howard Morrison did. "A mighty Totara has fallen in the forest." Would anyone have said that if he died last night? No, more likely they'd say, "Dork sat on the beach in a storm and the weather got him." Would anyone really care? He doubted it.

But, Gabriel said that he cared. He came looking for him last night because he was worried about him, and he didn't even know him. Gabriel was a nice guy. He was . . . well, different. He turned and looked at the photo again.

'Very different.'

Damm! That was a magnificent picture, like a young Tarzan up on a mountain top. Was that what his life was like when they lived up in the backblocks? Or, was he just posing for the picture? Whatever it was, it was a great shot.

He looked at Gabriel's clothes lying on the chair and decided, no, he'd go and find his own clothes. They'd be dry by now and, much as he'd like to, he couldn't stay there forever. The laundry was out by the back-door. It wouldn't be hard to find, it wasn't a big house.

He went out to the hallway and down to the back. Gabriel was in the kitchen, standing by the stove. He looked around and grinned.

"Good morning, Sleepyhead. That was good timing. I'm just getting us some breakfast here, bacon, sausages, hash-browns and eggs. It's nearly done and you'd better be hungry because I've cooked far too much."

"Sounds good, thanks. Yes I am, a bit, hungry."

"Well good! I wouldn't want to have to eat this all on my own."

"Not much fear of that," Cameron grinned. "I was going to get my clothes."

"Sure. They're still in the dryer, in the laundry by the back-door. I should've got them for you, sorry."

"No worries. I'll find them."

"You will. There's plenty of hot water if you want a shower, but come and eat first. This is about ready."

"Two minutes and I'll be here."

He went into the laundry, retrieved his clothes and dresssed in them, leaving Gabriel's boxers on top of the dryer. Still no questions about what he was doing on the beach. He didn't want to talk about it but, in a way, it'd be good to get it out in the open. Didn't Gabriel even want to know? If it was the other way around, he'd be dying of curiousity. Still, he didn't want to talk about it.

They didn't. His being out in the storm wasn't even mentioned. They ate breakfast and finished with a couple of strong coffees.

"Thanks, Gabriel. That was just great and you ARE a cook."

"No I'm not. That was just more heating and eating, but you're very welcome. Nice to have some company. It's still raining but the wind has stopped. Dad's bringing the boat in so someone will drive you home when you're ready."

"That'd be good. It's only about 5k's, but I don't fancy getting wet again."

"Well you don't have to. I see that the tree in the front-yard is down, but that can wait until the weather improves."

"I'll give you a hand to move it if you like."

"No, we're not doing that. I don't want to get wet either. It can wait. It's down and it's not going anywhere."

"Guess not. Umm, Gabriel, tell me about that photo of you in the bedroom - the big black and white one with the eagle on your arm."

"That's not an eagle," Gabriel grinned. "That's Molly, my falcon."

"You've got a falcon for a pet?"

"Well, yeah. She's not really a pet, Molly is my friend. I raised her from a chick, She lives free now but she still comes back to me. We go hunting togeher."

"Really? Wow. Is that what you were doing there, hunting?"

"Yes, of course. We do a lot, up on the tops. If I had my way, I'd stay out there forever and never come down to town."

"You would? But wouldn't you get lonely out there?"

"No, never. That's my world, it's where I belong. I get lonely down in town, not out in the mountains."

"You do belong there. That's a great picture. Did a professional photographer pose you for it?"

"Oh, it wasn't posed. Garth took it, I didn't even know that he was out there. He used a tele-photo lens from across the valley. It came out nice and clear, but it was just a fluke shot."

"It's a great shot! It'd make a great poster for a film about a wild boy. Garth took it?"

"Yeah. Photography is his hobby. He took that a couple of years ago, when I was 13. He entered it in a competition, but it didn't win. Dad says that's because I'm such an ugly little beggar."

"Ugly? You're not at all. Is your dad blind or something? You're a fine-looking kid and, in that picture you look - well, magnificent is the word I'm thinking."

Gabriel laughed. "Magnificent? Me? Get real."

"I am being real. You're a good-looking guy."

"I think it's time you had your eyes checked. Okay, we'll tidy this mess away, and then we'll go and sit in the lounge. Unless you want to go and see your friends of course?"

"There's nowhere I'd rather be than right here, with you."

"That's cool. It's good to have some company my own age for once."

They went into the lounge and sat, facing each other, on the long seat under the front window. It was still raining out there, but that was okay, they weren't out in it. The computer was in there, and the TV, the Xbox and the stereo, but none of them were turned on, they just talked.

The morning passed quickly. They were still sitting there, talking about anything and everything, when a car pulled up outside. Gabriel stood up and looked.

"Cool. Dad and Garth are here. About time too!" He hurried out to greet them.

Cameron stood, and then sat down again, feeling awkward. He didn't know these guys, he'd never met them and he'd spent the night in their home. What would they think of that? Gabriel had asked him in, but he still felt strange.

It was only a couple of minutes, a couple of long minutes, before Gabriel brought them in to meet him. He stopped worrying, these were good guys. They were very welcoming and both said that they were glad that Gabriel had made a friend. So that was all right. Cameron relaxed a bit.

They had fresh-caught fish for lunch, which was, apparently, what they did after returning from sea. He said nothing, but he did think that it was a wonder that they weren't sick of the sight of fish. Great meal though, he'd never had better. Gabriel's dad, John, was a good cook. He actually used to be a chef but he got sick of that game.

They cleaned-up, and then all went outside, in coats, to move the tree off the front fence. The four of them dragged it back on to the lawn and left it there. They'd clean it up when the weather improved. There was no other damage around, which was good.

Back inside, they had a coke, and then Cameron said that he should be getting back home. Gabriel told him to wait a minute. He left the room, then returned and handed Cameron an envelope.

"What's this then?"

"Not a lot. It's just a post-card sized copy of that photo of me. Dad and Garth used them for Christmas cards and we've got heaps of them."

"Really?" He opened the envelope and took the pic out - a miniature version of the 'wild boy' photo in the bedroom.

"Wow. This is great. Thanks."

"No big deal," Gabriel shrugged. "We've got hundreds of them. I just want to make sure that you don't forget about me."

"No fear of that," Cameron grinned. "I'll never forget you and what you did for me last night. Thanks again."

"You're welcome. I just hope I've made a friend. Like I said, I get lonely here in town. Please come back and see me sometime."

"I hope I've made a friend too. You'd be a great friend, Gabriel, a real friend. Last night started as the worst night of my life, but it turned out to be the best, thanks to you. I'll be back so often that you'll get sick of the sight of me."

"Not going to happen! Okay, let's do it. Garth, Cameron has to go home. Can you please drive him out there?"

"Yeah, no troubles. Where do you live, Cameron?"

"It's about 5k's north of town. We're on a lifestyle farm block out there. It's right on the highway."

"Easy to find then. Come on, let's get you home then? You coming, Gabe?"

"Sure I am, I wouldn't miss it. I've been stuck inside here for days. When are we going home anyway?"

"Patience, Gabe. We'll do one more trip, when the weather clears, and then we can go home. Probably next weekend."

"Next weekend! That's ages away. I need to go home, Garth."

"We will, as soon as we can. Don't worry, your mountains are going nowhere."

"I hope not! I've been thinking that I'm never coming down to town again, but then," he glanced at Cameron, "maybe I will."

"Well, that's good," Garth said. "It's about time that you had a friend who is at least the same species as you are."

"Oh, I think I've got one and that's good."

"It is, it's very good. Come on then, Boys, we're going."

On the way out through the kitchen, Garth stopped and talked quietly to Gabriel's dad who was standing by the sink, filletting fish. He stood very close to him and draped an arm across his shoulders, which made Cameron wonder.

'Oh? Are they gay?'

Nobody had said anything, and they didn't act like it, but they were obviously very close. They were just two guys, two ordinary guys, friends who lived, worked and played together. Maybe they were then? 'Oh, wow! Is Gabriel gay?' No, he'd said nothing either and life wasn't that good. He'd be a breeder and a magnificent one too. He'll make beautiful babies, one day.

"Gabriel, what's your number?"

"My number?"

"Yeah, your cell number, so I can call you later."

""Ah, I haven't got one, sorry. I don't have a cellphone."

"You don't? I thought everyone had a cell."

"No, not everyone does. I've never had a phone of my own. There's no reception out in the hills and I've got no-one to call anyway."

"No-one? Well, you have now."

"I have, haven't I?" He beamed a smile. "That's good. That's very good. If you want to, you can call me on the land-line, 378241."

"378241," Cameron entered the number in his cell. "I'll do that, thanks. I'll call you tonight. Do you want my number?"

"No, I'd just forget it. Tell me when you call."

" 'Kay, we'll do that."

They went out to the car. Apologising for the mess, Garth got into the driver's seat. "Clear yourselves a space, Boys. One day, someone'll clean all this up."

"That'll be a shock!" Gabriel got into the back to sit next to Cameron, which he didn't mind at all.

On the way out of town, Garth was tapping the wheel with his fingers and singing some corny old song about young love. Gabriel shut him up by leaning forward and clapping a hand on his shoulder.

"Garth, can you whistle?"

"Whistle? No. Why?"

"Because you can't sing."

"Eww."

Cameron sat back smiling. He liked these guys, they were comfortable and easy to be around. He hadn't felt this free since, well, forever really.

All too soon, they arrived and stopped outside his home.

Cameron, 2

Gabriel kept hold of his hand as he led him back off the beach, across the road and around to the back of his home.Even there, outside the back door, it was wet and dark, but they were, mostly, out of the wind and it was way better than out on the beach. He slipped the coat off, hung it up and opened the door.

"Come on inside."

"Do you think I should? I'm wet."

"So am I. Not as wet as you though. Come in and we'll fix it." He toed his sneakers off, left them there and stepped inside.

Cameron followed his example, followed him in and stood there, dripping water.

"Sorry," he shrugged. "I did warn you."

"Yeah, you did. Don't worry about it. But, man! You're wet. You wouldn't get wetter if you were swimming."

"Probably not."

"You must be freezing too. Strip some of those clothes off and I'll get you some towels. It'll take more than one. I'll put your clothes in the dryer, that'll fix them."

"Thanks. That'd be great."

"No probs. Stay there, I'll be back."

He went through and grabbed some towels from the linen cupboard. When he returned, Cameron was standing there stark naked, clutching his wet clothes in front of him.

'Whoah! Nice body.' Gabriel forced himself not to look too much. "Here you go," he offered the towels. "I'll take your clothes. Dry off and come through to the living-room, it's warmer in there.

"Thanks." He took the towels and handed over the clothes and Gabriel got another glimpse.

He threw the clothes in the dryer in the laundry and went to the kitchen to wait. Cameron soon came in with a towel around his waist and another one over his shoulders, and they went into the living-room.

"Better?"

"Yeah, much better. Thanks, but I don't know why you bothered. When I go home, I'm only going to get wet again, walking there."

"Don't go then. Stay the night here. I'm here by myself, so there's plenty of room. This wind won't last forever, as soon as it slackens off, Dad and Garth will be back in from sea and one of them will take you home, if it's still raining."

"They're out at sea in this weather?"

"Of course. They're fishermen, that's what they do. They would've been home by now, but this storm blew up so they're staying out at sea. They're safe there, as long as they stay well out."

"Oh, I see. You're here by yourself? Where's your mum?"

"Who knows? She left, years ago, when I was just little."

"So there's just you and your dad live here?"

"And Garth, he lives here too."

"Is he your brother?"

"No," Gabriel laughed. "I haven't got a brother."

"Why does he live here then? Oh, he works with your father, is he like a boarder then?"

"Sort of, I guess. Garth has lived with us ever since I can remember. He's like a second father to me."

"You've got no mother and two fathers?"

"Exactly."

"And they've left you all alone for the night?"

"Yeah, they often do. It's not a problem, I'm nearly 16 and I'm used to it."

"You're often left alone? That doesn't seem right."

"It's right for us. It's like we've got much choice, they have to earn a living and I'm not going out with them. I'd rather be here, can't get sea-sick on dry land."

"Yeah, well, that's your business anyway. Why don't you go to school?"

"I never have. I do my schooling by correspondence. Most of that's on-line these days."

"You're with the Correspondence School? But don't you have to live way out in the country for that? If you live in town, you should be in school."

"In most cases, yeah. But we do live out in the country."

"What's this place then, your town-house?"

"Yes, exactly. Our primary residence is away up behind Springs Junction, over the Lewis Pass area. That's our home, this is just where we stay for the fishing season, about 4 or 5 months a year, depending on the seasons and fishing quotas."

"You live up in the hills, and down in town sometimes, but you don't go to school. You never go anywhere. Don't you get lonely?"

"Sometimes, yes. We've got family, up north, and there's always people around, just not usually of my own age. I don't have friends of my own."

"Well you should. You need to get out and about more."

"Maybe. I'm not very good with people. They wouldn't like me anyway."

"Sure they would. I do, I think you're great."

"Shows how much you know! But, thanks. Do you want to ring your parents, they might come and get you."

"Doubt it. They'd just laugh and tell me to walk."

"In the rain? What about your friends? There must be someone who'd take you home?"

"No, no-one, except you. You took me home. Thanks for that."

"Welcome. I couldn't leave you out there in that."

Both boys looked over at the rain on the windows. It was like someone was out there with a hose.

"But, I didn't mean to their homes, I meant to take you home to yours."

"There's still no-one who'd do that. I think I'd rather be here anyway."

"And, you are! Come to my room and we'll get you some clothes. You can wear some of mine. We're about the same size."

"Okay, but weren't you going to put my stuff in the dryer?"

"I did, but that'll take an hour or two. There's no need to wait that long."

"I guess."

They went to Gabriel's room and he selected warm clothes for Cameron to wear. He left him there to get dressed on his own.

"I'll be in the kitchen. The pizza must be about ready by now. Get dressed and join me in there."

"Be right there."

He left and Cameron dressed quickly. He took at a minute to look around the room. At first glance, it was just an ordinary boy's room.

The big bed took up most of the floor-space. There was a built-in wardrobe, a laptop and speakers on a desk and a couple of chest of drawers. Clothes, books, magazines and music were strewn around. If his own room got this messy, his mother would be yelling at him, and she often did.

On closer inspection though, it was not so ordinary. Most of the books were hard-covered, but some of them were science-fiction and fantasy. That was not so different, but the music was - it was classical stuff and some by artists he'd never heard of. The brightly-coloured posters on the walls were not the usual girly stuff and stars of music and sports, these were all of wildlife, mainly birds, and natural landscapes.

Yeah, this Gabriel was not your average kid. Cameron realised that, despite his barrage of questions, he still knew nothing about him. He suspected that it would take a long time to get to know him. He wanted to though, he liked the look of the kid. He'd be a good mate and Cameron needed a friend. He shrugged and went to the kitchen to see if the food was ready.

They ate pizza, oven-fries and coleslaw. Finished and stuffed, Cameron sat back and rubbed his belly, acting out a cliche. "Man, that was good."

"Yeah, it was okay, nothing special. It was just junk-food really, but good when you're hungry."

"It was that. Great pizza though, I don't think I've ever had better. You're a good cook."

"That wasn't cooking!" Gabriel laughed. "The pizza base was from the Foodmarket, all I did was to open the ingredients and put them on top."

"And you did it so well," Cameron grinned back. "Anyway, that's all any cooking is, isn't it? Putting the ingredients together and heating them."

"Maybe. Okay, it was cooking - basic cooking. That was just kid stuff. You should see when my dad cooks a meal. He's a great cook, when he can be bothered."

"He must be good then. My mum's not too bad, but usually it's no more than you've done here."

"Dad's good. Want some ice-cream?"

"No thanks. I couldn't eat another bite. What are we going to do now?"

"Anything you want. There's the TV, the X-box, the computer or whatever. And the phone of course. Do you want to call your girlfriend?"

"No!" Cameron was adamant. "I'm not talking to her."

"Oh? Okay. We could just go to bed, but it's a bit early for that."

"Way too early for sleeping. You said an X-Box. What games have you got?"

"We've got heaps. It's Dad's addiction, or whatever."

They played for a couple of hours, they were evenly matched. At the end of a game, Cameron stood, stretched and yawned. He looked down again and Gabriel was turning everything off.

"Time for bed, obviously. Do you want a drink or anything before we go?"

"No thanks, I'm fine. Where are we sleeping? I'd rather not sleep together, if it's all the same to you."

"Sleep in the same bed? Nobody asked you to," Gabriel replied. "We've got a guest-room, you'll be fine in there."

"Sounds good. I hope you're not offended, it's just that, well, you know."

"Do I? I'm not offended, why would I be? I'm not your girlfriend. I've never shared a bed in my life and I'm not starting now. Come on then, I'll show you where to go."

He indicated where the bathroom was, and then showed Cameron into the guest-room. He turned on the light on the bed. The covers were already turned down and a folded towel, face-cloth and soap lay at the foot of the bed. When had he done that?

He wished him goodnight and left, turning out the main room light on the way out.

Cameron stripped to his borrowed underwear and moved to climb into bed. He paused when his eye caught something on the wall opposite him. He straightened and went over for a closer look.

A large, framed, black and white photograph hung on the wall. What a picture! It was a work of art. The photo was of Gabriel wearing nothing but tight, brief shorts, holding a hunting bow in one hand with an unhooded eagle on the other arm. A quiver of feather-tipped arrows protruded from behind his left shoulder, next to his shaggy, unkempt hair.

The viewpoint was from slightly below him as his bare feet stood on a large gray boulder and he haughtily surveyed the vista before him. The background was snow-capped mountains under a clear, blue sky. Well, presumably it was blue. He looked magnificent, like a warrior king. He looked fit and healthy, proud, capable, free and wild. Wow!

Cameron was most impressed. Was this what Gabriel's life was like - his other life when he was out in the mountains? He realised, again, that he didn't know this boy at all. Did anyone?

He climbed into the big bed and lay there looking at the picture across the room. Who was this kid? Okay, he was Gabriel, but who was he really? He realised two things. Gabriel had answered all of his questions, but there was still so much he didn't know. He wasn't even beginning to know him. Did he want to? Yes, he did. He liked the boy, a lot.

The other thing was that Gabriel hadn't asked him any personal questions at all. He didn't even ask why he was sitting on the beach in the storm. Didn't he care? No, that wasn't it. He wasn't acting like he didn't care. He taken him in and looked after him really well. Oh, well, tomorrow would be another day.

He turned off the light and settled down to go to sleep.